25 Kinky, Erotic Christian Moments for Holy Week

Saint Sebastian by Nicolas Regnier

Sometimes, having no knowledge at all of a culture can be an advantage, helping you see realities that may be opaque to the inculcated. For people raised with the Christian story, it might be hard to see the forest through the sheaves. But for those of us raised heathen, these deeply emotional works of art often send confusing messages.

The Greek and Roman gods had a robust sexual nature that often drove their stories and actions. Their beauty and physical prowess was a big part of their myth. But the central visual representation of Christianity -- a nearly naked man impaled on a cross -- is drained of all sensuality and maleness in Christian teaching. The focus is on redemption, sacrifice, and surrender.

So why are there so many visual representations of Christ that are exquisitely sensual and detailed in a corporeal, sexual way?

Before exploring the abundance of homoerotic renderings of religious events, which peaked during the Renaissance and Baroque periods, it's important to consider why the depiction of naked male body has been considered in the last few centuries as homoerotic rather than just plain erotic.

The concept of homoerotic art seems to have a basis in an unpleasant bit of misogyny. Naked muscle men and milky-skinned youths as subjects of art were fine as long as they were in support of religious, mythological, or allegorical works. There had to be a moral message, however flimsy, attached to the work. Honor, strength in battle, and sacrifice were all noble subjects that were used to justify presenting some pretty hot stuff. And to be sure, art was created by men, for men to sponsor and view, and for the enrichment of men's souls. So any depiction of a naked man in art was presumed to be a part of that closed system -- so there had better be a good moral reason for those sinewy flanks and weightless pectorals. Presumably women were to avert their eyes to avoid the more fleshy religious artworks.

If the master of the household or the local priest had a breathtaking moment of rapture in front of a particularly vivid depiction of the flagellation of Christ, for example, that trembling feeling in the pit of the stomach, or maybe a bit lower, could be safely interpreted as religious fervor and passion.

Herewith we present a collection of stunning examples of nearly NSFW biblical images for you to judge. Try to look at these images as if you have no previous knowledge of the stories they illustrate. See where your eyes land, and see if you can discern whether you are having a lofty spiritual feeling or something more biological.

Agnolo Bronzino's Saint Sebastian (1533) seems unconcerned about the arrow piercing his ribs.

All laid out: Saint Sebastian by Nicolas Regnier, 17th century

Carlo Saraceni's Sebastian (1610) seems to have only one arrow, but of exquisite location.

The Martyrdom of St. Sebastian by Luca Signorelli focuses on the assets of the archers.

Daniele de Volterra's 16th-century David and Goliath is unusual in that it is painted from two angles, this being the front. And tell us you didn't notice David's nipple, spilling over his tunic.

David and Goliath and Jonathan

Michelangelo's statue of David is perhaps one of the most recognized artworks in the world. That his depiction of male perfection looks to be about 28 troubles us little. As with Saint Sebastian, the glorification of the male body became more important than sticking to the details of the story. And just as Sebastian becomes a symbolic figure as a "soldier with a secret," David is a symbol of the boy vanquishing the bully.

Then there is the whole sketchy deal with David and Jonathan.

After David slew Goliath, he was taken to King Saul, still holding the big head of Goliath like a handbag. King Saul's son Jonathan gets one look at him and goes crazy for the boy. Jonathan strips and gives him everything -- his clothing, his armor, his belt, and his sword. Then they "form a covenant." OK. Daddy Saul gets kind of antsy around all this. So Saul tries to have David killed. Several times. Jonathan gets a load of that and spirits young David away to a safe hiding place. Then goes back to his father to plead the case. Saul says, "You son of a perverse, rebellious woman!" Which certainly sounds like some deep code to us. Jonathan gets an eating disorder and finally drags himself back to David, and they have a heartbreaking parting. Jonathan is eventually slain along with his brothers and King Saul commits suicide. David states, "Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women." Must have been some covenant.

And when Oscar Wilde used the phrase "the love that dare not speak its name" in his court proceedings, he was referring to David and Jonathan.

It twirled up: Don't you hate when you are slaying a giant and your skirt flies up? Titian's rendering of Goliath continues the emphasis on the nipple in religious art.

The Flagellation of Christ (detail), by Bacchiacca, c. 1512, seems to want us to focus elsewhere than on the son of God. And then there is the awkward issue of the hats.

The Flagellation of Christ

The Flagellation of Christ, also known as the Scourging at the Pillar, is a scene from the Passion of Christ. It is the fourth station of the modern alternate Stations of the Cross and a Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary. The scene takes place before the crucifixion.

Now, forget all that and look at the winsome surrender of Christ in these images. There is an almost feminine grace, especially compared with his muscular and sometimes naked tormentors. Traditionally the scene had always been depicted with three figures, but as we get closer to the Renaissance more figures appear, sometimes as many as six tormentors, and sometimes Pontius Pilate and Herod. By the time we get to the Edwardians and the Pre-Raphaelites, the scene is clearly lascivious.

This is difficult material to observe with cultural distance, and no disrespect for Christianity is intended. But if the Christian story can be separated from the images, what remains is a decadent scene of sadomasochism with brutish tops gleefully setting to their task, arms flailing and buttocks clenched. Christ is surrendered and vulnerable and, of course, beatific. What are we supposed to feel when we look at this? Guilt? If so, why are the bodies so finely crafted and robust with passion? Are we supposed to identify with the Christ figure and feel the transcendence as the endorphins kick in?

To think that these painting were often in churches, seen daily at Mass, seems a little perverse. It's hard to imagine going about one's business while these larger-than-life naked whipping dramas are just hanging there decorating the walls.

This second rendering, assumed to be by Luca Signorelli as well, also emphasizes the sexuality of the tormentors and their coin-slot loincloths.

Guercino's depiction (1658) dispenses with the nudity but amps up the degradation factor with a little hair-pulling by the rough-trade tormentors.

The Flagellation of Our Lord Jesus Christ, 1880, by William Adolphe Bouguereau

Bouguereau was considered a Pre-Raphaelite artist and so this work is much later than the others in this collection. The tradition of showing Jesus as marble-white, vulnerable, and in a voluptuous swoon among the hirsute, muscular dark ones is a repeated theme.