When out at the
bars, Margaret Cho is every gay man’s best
friend—that is, until last call.
I am a big fan of
going to gay bars. After a long, hard night walking all
over a big stage in my new show, Beautiful, I
need to be able to watch a good drag queen lip-synch
perfectly to “Piece of Me” and have a
very large and very strong drink, so my favorite place
to go is the local gay bar with my most special gays.
Most fag hags
agree that the best times they’ve ever had were at
gay bars, sharing precious moments with their fags,
drinking lovely pink cocktails and dancing and
laughing the night away.
Until it becomes
“dick o’clock.” You know what time that
is, don’t you? It is when all the gay men in
the club simultaneously start looking for dick. It
happens all at once, usually around midnight or 1 a.m.,
generally earlier on the West Coast.
I am not sure how
it starts. It may be that sudden realization that you
are out on a weeknight, which a lot of gay men and fag hags
like to do, because—let’s face
it—weekends are for straight people. Since it is a
weeknight, you probably need to get home and get in bed at
some decent hour if you even want to pretend to try to
keep your job.
So that means you
need to get some dick, and get some dick fast,
because procuring dick isn’t necessarily easy
or quick—and we all know if we don’t pick
carefully, we will wind up with dick we don’t
want. Which isn’t always that bad, because dick is
like pizza—even when it’s bad, it is still
kind of good, unless it’s soggy.
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