Candy Everyone Wants

Is it wrong for a 49-year-old woman to sing about sex? Nah -- especially if it’s Madonna doing the cooing. I mean, if you have to imagine a horny half-century lady, doesn’t she naturally come to mind?

The snake-charming beats of the Queen of Pop’s new album, Hard Candy, dissolve any nostalgia for eccentric turn-of-the-century Madge like an Alka-Seltzer plopped in a Sprite. Candy producers Timbaland, Nate “Danja” Hills, and especially Pharrell Williams, have crafted such catchy confections that it’s hard not to embrace the hour of general vapidity laid at your feet.

The opening track, “Candy Shop,” is like hot sex on Willy Wonka’s bed. Pharrell’s pulsating tribal beats and Madge’s teasing -- “I got something so sweet…stick-stick-sticky and sweet” -- make “Candy Shop” irresistible to everyone but nuns and those wearing hair shirts. She may be offering up her music rather than her body, but who knows?

Already a radio hit, “4 Minutes” owes its status more to featured player Justin Timberlake than to the song’s star; but again, whatever. It’s fun as hell. The next track, “Give It 2 Me,” is an infectious Pharrell jam that will explode in Europe and gay clubs everywhere. On the surface it seems Madonna is saying, “Bang me,” but with lyrics like “They say that a good thing never lasts / And then it has to fall / Those are the people that did not amount to much at all… Give me the bass line / and I'll shake it / Give me a record and I'll break it,” it seems she’s actually saying, “Give me your best shot” -- a message that blends well with the album’s pugilistic cover image.

There’s no deeper meaning in “Heartbeat,” which is enjoyable but blank; it invites comparison to Robyn’s superior, soulful “With Every Heartbeat.” Thankfully, Candy’s pièce de résistance is next, the moving and hum-inducing, “Miles Away.” It’s refreshing to hear Madonna tell a story again, especially a personal one like “Miles Away,” which describes a relationship made stronger by distance. It’s lamentable she’s abandoned softer, story-driven songs as of late since her voice sounds better than ever.

With its minimal beat and quiet melancholy -- reminiscent of high-water mark “Don’t Tell Me” -- “Miles” is Candy’s apex. There’s fun to be had in the album’s remainder, but filler is apparent: “Spanish Lesson,” “Dance 2 Night,” and the disco-fied wastes of time, “She’s Not Me” and “Beat Goes On” (complete with an even more useless Kanye West rap). Amidst the forgettable is “Incredible,” a grower of a song that goes unexpected places. While Madonna sings (nasally, for some reason) about desiring the idyllic early days of a love affair, hip-hop and house blend together like chocolate and peanut-butter. Nice job, Pharrell.

Candy’s sugar solidifies by album’s end: “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” is no hit, but it’s intriguing lyrics and easy-on-the-ears refrain are good enough to compensate for the fact that it sounds like a rip-off of “Cry Me a River” or “What Goes Around, Comes Around.” Candy closer “Voices” is weird and wonderful; it's dark like American Life and sultry like “Justify My Love.” With this song Madonna delivers on what the album’s title promises: a treat that’s genuinely sour and sweet.