Speidi Makes Stephen Baldwin Sound Rational

Heidi's voice makes Spencer throw up. Satan makes Heidi throw up. Both of them make Stephen Baldwin seem rational. And now you're all caught up on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here.

By Dave White

Spencer and Heidi Pratt

Paris Hilton must be pissed off right about now. While her back was turned, two people who are even more stupid, entitled, and gross than she is have ascended to the giddy shame-throne occupied by rarefied, useless idiots that America loves to hate. In fact, it would appear that Spencer and Heidi exist to make Paris feel as though she's accomplished, reasonable, and decent.

There is no good reason to watch them on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here . Well, OK, there's one. They're born again now. In case you weren't keeping up with the details, Stephen Baldwin assisted them with this. Suddenly their lives have become way more fascinating to me.

Best part of the most recent episode I saw (so you don't have to watch it, because seriously, why would you if you weren't being paid to do so like me?) was when Spencer described a moment in which Heidi began reading aloud from her Bible in a search for wisdom about whether or not they should remain in the wet Costa Rican jungle with Janice Dickinson or whether they should return to The Hills from whence they came. At the sound of her voice reading from Scripture, Spence began vomiting and sweating uncontrollably. When asked if he wanted her to stop, he demanded she continue while he puked up his guts.

Later, Heidi vomits. Both of them consider this barf to be demons that have been squatting in Heidi's soul. Stephen Baldwin is so into this that he eggs them on and encourages them to get real crazy with loud screaming to Jesus after he interprets their "prophetic dreams" and talks about one of his own.

So, keeping score:

1. Heidi's voice makes Spencer throw up.

2. Satan makes Heidi throw up.

3. Both of them make Stephen Baldwin seem rational.

Click here to follow The Advocate on Twitter. 1 2 3 NEXT Page 1 of 3

Dave White is the author of Exile in Guyville. Find him at www.imdavewhite.com .

READ COMMENTS (3) MORE Television EMAIL PRINT

RECOMMEND

‹‹Previous Article in Category | Next Article in Category››

Reader Comments

Back to top
Name: Christopher
Date posted: 6/11/2009 5:24:00 PM
Hometown: Minneapolis

Comment:
I too thought Bette was incredibly snarky, to the point of snooty, towards Kathy. I've got to tell you that I've loved Bette all of my life, but this made me feel like I was watching a completely different person than the one I had come to love. I found myself getting irritated with the way she kept talking down to Kathy. For someone whose made a career out of being bawdy and crass I found it almost hypocritical of her to say those things to Kathy. I still love you Bette but not nearly as much as I used too.
Back to top
Name: Pat
Date posted: 6/11/2009 4:17:00 PM
Hometown: Miami

Comment:
The vomiting was the funniest thing ever! COME ON!! I just wanted to see her continue to get the demons out for the entire episode! So funny that with each retch someone would scream "Praise Jesus." Oy Vey! As for Bette, who knew she was so arrogant? BETTER than Kathy? Don't think so!! Still waiting for her long, painfully thought-out opinion about whether gays should have the right to marry. Damn, I wish I didn't waste so much time watching "Beaches."
Back to top
Name: Roy
Date posted: 6/11/2009 2:32:00 PM
Hometown: Madison

Comment:
Yawn.

PREVIOUS 1 NEXT

More Online Only

Film Teen Spirit

While Native American cultures have long honored people of integrated genders, a new documentary looks at a shocking hate crime against a two-gendered Colorado teenager.

Politicians L.A. Confidential

What's it like to be 33, gay, and one of the most powerful people in America's second-largest city? Stressful, says Matt Szabo, the new deputy chief of staff to Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.

Commentary Love Bites for Twilight's Gay Fans

Gay fanpires are sure to flock to New Moon, but with questions lingering about author Stephanie Meyer and the cash she gives to the Mormon Church, Mike Albo wonders if we'd be better off tying a clove of garlic around our necks.

Youth Church Opens Doors for Homeless Gay Teens

A church-turned-shelter for homeless youth in Queens, New York is a far cry from sleeping on the streets after a $200,000 renovation and a partnership with the Ali Forney Center for LGBT youth.

Music France's Latest Export

He's opened for Britney and Katy Perry, kept Dita Von Teese company in the front row at Paris Fashion Week, and gets name-checked on Twitter by Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, and Sarah Silverman. So who the hell is Sliimy, anyway?

Prevention New Breast Health Rules Leave Out Lesbians

Now that new government guidelines are out on how to best care for your breasts, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender women are left with a lot of questions.

Marriage Equality Triumph in the Tar Heel State

The loss of marriage equality in Maine was a major blow on Election Night, but down the coast in North Carolina there was an LGBT victory. Pam Spaulding talks to Chapel Hill's mayor-elect, Mark Kleinschmidt.

Theater Puppet Masters

When performance-art drag diva Joey Arias combines forces with master puppeteer Basil Twist, anything — no, seriously, anything — can happen.

News Softball With Oprah and Palin

Dave White recaps as Oprah plays nice with Palin in her exclusive, personality-rehabbing interview. Topics include Katie Couric ("badgering"), Levi Johnston ("Ricky Hollywood"), and step class ("gee, it's fun").

News View From Washington: Frank Tells

This week Congressman Barney Frank laid out a plan and a timetable for repealing "don't ask, don't tell..." and a reminder that he's been saying it would happen in 2010 from the beginning.

News Features Where's Mitrice?

Mitrice Richardson is a 4.0 student, a former beauty pageant contestant, and a lesbian. She’s also been missing since September, and her family and girlfriend want answers.

Theater Seat Filler

The Advocate’s queen on the New York theater scene meets bisexual conjoined twins, pits Sienna Miller against Jude Law, tastes Cheyenne Jackson’s Rainbow, and saves up for a rainy day with Hugh Jackman.

Art Fairey Good

Controversial artist Shepard Fairey spends his creative capital to bring marriage equality back to California.

Books Hot Sheet: Brüno, Ms. Jackson, and 2012

We'll let you decide whether 2012 is spectacular, Armageddon-tinged eye candy or a hot mess. Plus: A new take on gay romance with Dare.

Television Driving Miss Wanda

Love her or loathe her, drag queen Porsche sidekicks The Wanda Sykes Show into shape.

Film Crazy Like a Fox

Hipster actor Jason Schwartzman gets schooled on his gay fans and the Hollywood closet and reveals why he’s never played a gay role.

Television Viki Victorious?

Soap icon and six-time Emmy Award winner Erika Slezak talks about the trials and tribulation of playing Victoria Lord and her run for mayor, gay rights, and the sudden death that rocks Llanview.

Commentary Called to Serve

The military continues to operate under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which even the Pentagon says is unsubstantiated. As General McChrystal asks for more troops in Afghanistan, one gay Navy vet offers his service to his country in spite of the policy that would deny him.

News Features Marriage Foe Tied to Pro-Gay Companies
Ford Motor Co. and Reynolds American, two companies that receive consistently high marks from the HRC, have ties with Schubert Flint Public Affairs, the firm that was instrumental in defeating marriage equality in California and Maine.

News Features A Few Good Men

In honor of Veteran's Day, two of the most famous gay vets -- Frank Kameny and Dan Choi -- share their letters from Uncle Sam.