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And They're Always Glad You Came

COMMENTARY: They say the Internet killed the gay sex club -- but as one writer finds out with just a little bit of research, for some people, those dark corridors are inviting more play than ever.


I sit fireside with a portly, rosy-cheeked man puffing a stogie while he regales me with stories of yesteryear. We might have been models for Norman Rockwell, but instead of being in a den in a small New England snowcapped cottage, we're just two of the many men at one of the West Coast's most hard-core gay sex clubs.

Slings, glory holes, jockstraps, assless chaps -- it's all about easy access here, unless you're trying to talk to management. Due to the nature of their business, staff members of sex clubs are rarely willing to speak on the record. Most of these clubs existed illegally in earlier incarnations, so there remains a nostalgic reticence to do anything in the public eye. Not to mention, the confidentiality of their customers is paramount to their prosperity.

Although this club is legal, I have changed names to protect the anonymity of staff and patrons. This club is so legal, in fact, that the building it's in was selected with the help of members of the vice squad and the department of building safety enforcement. Regulations for a legal "encounter establishment" include certain distance from schools and residences.

With a Plexiglas partition between us, I tell the cashier I'm there to see Glen, the longtime manager of the club, who is a friend of a friend. "In the microphone," the cashier gruffly orders me. Crouching down, I speak carefully into the microphone: "Is Glen around?" I ask, tempted to order fries with that. "I'm Glen," grumbles a burly man as he emerges from darkness.

"I'm a friend of Rob's from the bar next door," I explain. "He said I might be able to talk to you about ... "

Glen interrupts me. "Step to the side," he says, looking annoyed. Speaking into my second microphone of the evening, I carefully state my reasons for seeking him out. To my surprise, he invites me right in. We sit on the patio by a blazing fire pit while other patrons refuel before their next go-round.

As one might expect, the advent of Internet cruising has negatively affected revenues at encounter establishments over the past 15 years. In Southern California, Internet cruising for sex began with DELOS, a BBS (bulletin board system), and progressed to AOL chat rooms and now hookup sites. So why pay a $15 or $20 entry fee when you can get it for free on Craigslist?

"The Internet," Glen says ominously, "is dangerous. We give condoms and lube. We promote safe sex. We have on-site HIV testing. Online you could meet an ax murderer. We get people out of the parks, out of the alleys, and out of the restrooms. We give them a safe place to come."

Hooray for double entendres.

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Reader Comments
  • Name: Jake
    Date posted: 6/14/2009 1:38:00 PM
    Hometown: Portland

    Comment:

    One word for this article: GROSS! Actually, I should say more than one word and I'll add that this type of place only hurts gay men. It stereotypes them as out of control sex freaks. It only adds to the hatred gay men have already faced, and when it comes to equal rights people figure why should they have them when they place sex above everything else. There's nothing wrong with getting to know a person or actually even love that person before you have sex with him.

  • Name: Kilroyrogers
    Date posted: 5/12/2009 12:15:00 PM
    Hometown: West Hollywood

    Comment:

    Sexual obsession in the gay community is really, really tiresome. Get a new hobby dudes. Maybe, just maybe, one that doesn't revolve around your cock and arse. Gay sex is fun, sure, but can we take that huge block of time and work toward the greater good, you know: gay rights issues, transgender inequality, furthering the dialog with the straight community, etc. Embracing the LGBTQ&Q community leather daddies is fine: but let's call sexual addiction with multiple partners exactly what it is: dangerous.

  • Name: Anthony in Nashville
    Date posted: 5/4/2009 2:43:00 PM
    Hometown: Nashville, TN

    Comment:

    Interesting time for an article on sex clubs. Given recent murders of gay men at the hands of online tricks gone bad, people may be sympathetic to a sex club resurgence. As far as stories like this making the gay community look bad, who can deny that sex is the distinguishing feature of gay life in comparison to straights? I would go so far as to say sex was a primary motivator behind fighting for gay rights. From my experience, most gay men are obsessed with sex, even if some of us don't admit it. That is the reason we elevated porn to a barometer of social progress and role models, made Manhunt and other hookup sites millions of dollars, and continue to trick in places like parks, truck stops, and bars. I doubt you could write a story about a similar club that catered to lesbians. I'm not saying they don't like sex, but I don't think they place as much emphasis on sex as gay men.

  • Name: Anthony in Nashville
    Date posted: 5/4/2009 2:41:00 PM
    Hometown: Nashville, TN

    Comment:

    Interesting time for an article on sex clubs. Given recent murders of gay men at the hands of online tricks gone bad, people may be sympathetic to a sex club resurgence. As far as stories like this making the gay community look bad, who can deny that sex is the distinguishing feature of gay life in comparison to straights? I would go so far as to say sex was a primary motivator behind fighting for gay rights. From my experience, most gay men are obsessed with sex, even if some of us don't admit it. That is the reason we elevated porn to a barometer of social progress and role models, made Manhunt and other hookup sites millions of dollars, and continue to trick in places like parks, truck stops, and bars. I doubt you could write a story about a similar club that catered to lesbians. I'm not saying they don't like sex, but I don't think they place as much emphasis on sex as gay men.

  • Name: Martin
    Date posted: 5/4/2009 1:02:00 PM
    Hometown: NYC

    Comment:

    It is interesting how worked up everyone is over this topic. Personally, i find it boring and that the writer was condesending and judgmental of his subjects while the writing itself is trite. And what is the crime if some people are lonely and want to hang out at sex clubs too much? we live in a screwed up world and wherever people find solice or pleasure is fine with me.

  • Name: Greg
    Date posted: 5/4/2009 11:06:00 AM
    Hometown: Providence

    Comment:

    Right Kai, "it's not where you do things, it's how." If this scene doesn't appeal to some here, fine, but their info seems 25 years out of date. The author didn't tell us what he found out first-hand either, he just has the interview part here. ...I'm guessing some married guys here have a superiority complex & are obsessed with herding all single gay guys into relationships? - but they cloak this in insincere concern about STDs. Personally I don't defend these clubs in terms of "gay culture" etc., but there's obviously a new trend in "gay culture" to get into (mostly unhappy) relationships just to prove to straights how "normal" you are - I think the Advocate could run several articles about that!

  • Name: Kai
    Date posted: 5/4/2009 12:09:00 AM
    Hometown: Honolulu

    Comment:

    Has everyone forgotten the big splash made back in the 70s when a STRAIGHT sex club opened in NYC? Plato's Retreat was big news. Playboy, Penthouse, etc had stories on it. It was even covered to some extent in the mainline press. I don't remember anyone writing letters about it being disgraceful to write about such places in "men's" magazines. I wasn't out yet, and it was big news to me, what I didn't know was that such places had existed - in one form or another - for a long long time for gay men. Those were very different times and AIDS was not in the far distant future. Sure, lots of guys got infected at the baths. And in the parks, the theaters, the tearooms, back seats, and even in their own beds. Still do. It's not where you do things, its how. And pretending sex clubs don't exist, and haven't had a profound effect on gay culture, doesn't make it so.

  • Name: Axel
    Date posted: 5/3/2009 5:57:00 AM
    Hometown: Boston

    Comment:

    Greg, that is just one big straw man fallacy and you know it.

  • Name: Hugh
    Date posted: 5/3/2009 12:50:00 AM
    Hometown: Dallas

    Comment:

    Inhighspeed is right. And I would add this: Articles like this should be required to include how sad and shallow this scene is.

  • Name: Peter
    Date posted: 5/2/2009 11:04:00 PM
    Hometown: Sacramento

    Comment:

    Is it only the common threat of discrimination that compels lgbt people to see themselves as part of a community? Or does the small relative size (2-5%?) of the population contribute? All the behavior described in this article exists in its heterosexual counterparts, but you won't find straight people owning it and declaring it part of their community. To them it's simply promiscuity or sexual addiction or public sex, or swinger's clubs. It's never simply "straight sex" or even "part of straight sex" and certainly not "our history". I found myself identifying with the author's preference for a friendly old time bar.

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