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The Sissy Awards

Every year we have to endure our fair share of idiots, but this year takes the cake. So we here at The Advocate have reinstated our annual sissy awards, recognizing those who show arrogant stupidity, dishonesty, or just a severe lack of spine. From Paris Hilton to Peter Pace, let's give it up for this year's winners losers.


Sissy Political Party -- The Republicans
If there’s one thing right-wing pols like better than blocking gay rights, it’s having gay sex. And 2007 gave us multiple orgasms:
U.S. senator Larry Craig introduced us to the term “wide stance” when he was busted in a Minnesota airport for putting the moves on an undercover cop in the next stall. Craig pled guilty but held on to his seat (no, the one in the Senate).
National Association of Evangelicals president Ted Haggard, outed as a regular customer by a gay hustler, magically became heterosexual after just three weeks in rehab. Lindsay Lohan would kill her dealer for results like that.
Glenn Murphy Jr., newly elected chair of the Young Republican National Federation, resigned in August after his arrest for performing oral sex on a sleeping acquaintance. In 1998 he’d committed a similar crime on a dude whose girlfriend was in the same room!
Florida state representative Bob Allen offered to pay an undercover cop $20 to let Allen give him a blow job in a restroom. Preferring to play it racist rather than gay, Allen claimed he’d acted out of fear of the African-American men hanging out nearby. Result: He looked racist, gay, and stupid. Allen had been John McCain’s presidential campaign cochair for Florida.

Sissy Extracurricular Activity of the Year -- Public bathroom sex
Jim Naugle, mayor of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., lobbied his city to spend $250,000 on “robo-toilets” in order to discourage gay men from having sex in public restrooms. Naugle said he was fighting to keep gays from taking over the city. Only two problems with that reasoning: There’d been no recent arrests for sex in restrooms, and anyway, Jim, it’s not so much gay men in all those stalls -- it's guys like the 20 men arrested in one month at a New York roadside restroom. Nineteen of them (including a Rotary Club president) were married. The 20th? A Catholic priest.

Sissy Vacation Destination -- Fort Lauderdale
Gay visitors to the Florida vacation spot have more to worry about than automated pissoirs. You might get verbally queer-bashed at the airport. In May, as a law professor and his partner waited for their luggage, a voice on the P.A. system started reading from Leviticus, saying, “A man who lies with another man as he would a woman is subject to death.” The mystery evangelist did not share the Bible’s views about parking in a red zone.

Sissy Grandpa -- Vice President Dick Cheney
Mary Cheney had a baby in May, and Mary’s proud papa huffed to interviewers that any questions about the blessed event were “out of line.” Does the VP know his alleged boss referred to Mary and her partner, Heather Poe, as the child’s “parents” on the White House website?

Second Verse, Sissy as the First -- Pope Benedict XVI
It wouldn’t be a sissy roundup without the pederast enablers at the Vatican. Prada-wearing devil Pope Benedict XVI reminded us that the Roman Catholic Church’s opposition to gay marriage is “nonnegotiable,” and an archbishop kicked in that same-sex marriage is “evil.” Meanwhile a Vatican monsignor, caught on hidden camera making advances to a youth, claimed that he was only pretending as part of his ministry. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

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