Every year we
have to endure our fair share of idiots, but this year
takes the cake. So we here at The Advocate have
reinstated our annual sissy awards, recognizing those who
show arrogant stupidity, dishonesty, or just a severe
lack of spine. From Paris Hilton to Peter Pace, let's
give it up for this year's winners
losers.
Sissy Political Party -- The Republicans
If there’s one thing right-wing pols like better
than blocking gay rights, it’s having gay sex.
And 2007 gave us multiple orgasms:
U.S. senator
Larry Craig introduced us to the term “wide
stance” when he was busted in a Minnesota
airport for putting the moves on an undercover cop in
the next stall. Craig pled guilty but held on to his seat
(no, the one in the Senate).
National
Association of Evangelicals president Ted Haggard, outed as
a regular customer by a gay hustler, magically became
heterosexual after just three weeks in rehab. Lindsay
Lohan would kill her dealer for results like
that.
Glenn Murphy Jr., newly elected chair of
the Young Republican National Federation, resigned in
August after his arrest for performing oral sex on a
sleeping acquaintance. In 1998 he’d committed a
similar crime on a dude whose girlfriend was in the
same room!
Florida state representative Bob Allen
offered to pay an undercover cop $20 to let Allen give
him a blow job in a restroom. Preferring to play it
racist rather than gay, Allen claimed he’d acted out
of fear of the African-American men hanging out
nearby. Result: He looked racist, gay, and stupid.
Allen had been John McCain’s presidential campaign
cochair for Florida.
Sissy Extracurricular Activity of the Year --
Public bathroom sex
Jim Naugle, mayor of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., lobbied his
city to spend $250,000 on “robo-toilets”
in order to discourage gay men from having sex in
public restrooms. Naugle said he was fighting to keep gays
from taking over the city. Only two problems with that
reasoning: There’d been no recent arrests for
sex in restrooms, and anyway, Jim, it’s not so much
gay men in all those stalls -- it's guys like the 20 men
arrested in one month at a New York roadside restroom.
Nineteen of them (including a Rotary Club president)
were married. The 20th? A Catholic priest.
Sissy Vacation Destination -- Fort Lauderdale
Gay visitors to the Florida vacation spot have more to
worry about than automated pissoirs. You might get
verbally queer-bashed at the airport. In May, as a law
professor and his partner waited for their luggage, a
voice on the P.A. system started reading from Leviticus,
saying, “A man who lies with another man as he would
a woman is subject to death.” The mystery
evangelist did not share the Bible’s views about
parking in a red zone.
Sissy Grandpa -- Vice President Dick Cheney
Mary Cheney had a baby in May, and Mary’s proud
papa huffed to interviewers that any questions about
the blessed event were “out of line.”
Does the VP know his alleged boss referred to Mary and her
partner, Heather Poe, as the child’s
“parents” on the White House website?
Second Verse, Sissy as the First -- Pope Benedict XVI
It wouldn’t be a sissy roundup without the
pederast enablers at the Vatican. Prada-wearing devil
Pope Benedict XVI reminded us that the Roman Catholic
Church’s opposition to gay marriage is
“nonnegotiable,” and an archbishop
kicked in that same-sex marriage is “evil.”
Meanwhile a Vatican monsignor, caught on hidden camera
making advances to a youth, claimed that he was only
pretending as part of his ministry. Is that what the
kids are calling it these days?
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