Manhunt be
damned! This Gen-Y college student is staying a virgin until
he snags the right guy.
I’m
20-something. I’m a virgin. I’m gay. Each
descriptor by itself is nothing unusual, but being
20-something, a virgin, and gay can certainly feel
like an anomaly.
My decision to
remain a virgin was not something forced on me by my
family but something shaped by my experiences. In my high
school (a small private academy in Santa Monica,
Calif.), one by one my 14-year-old friends lost their
virginity. At first I felt envy and wondered if I
would also soon discard my v card.
My initial desire
to lose my virginity was ultimately driven by an even
greater desire to prove I wasn’t gay. Once I accepted
who I was and grew comfortable with my sexuality, my
perception of sex evolved.
During the first
two years of high school, I witnessed the lives of my
post-virgin friends grow complicated. There were pregnancy
scares, a roller coaster of emotions, dependency
issues, and most pervasive of all, gossip. On top of
all the other nonsexual drama of high school, every day
was like an Afterschool Special.
By the end of
sophomore year, I determined I would remain a virgin until
I was in a committed relationship. That meant I
wouldn’t partake in anything requiring a
condom. Being gay, I never pictured myself saving it
for marriage, but I did know that I wanted to have sex with
the person with whom I was going to spend my life.
That meant not giving it up to fit in or because it
was some sort of rite of passage.
I began to value
my virginity. I stopped worrying if I would ever lose it
and started to wonder why I ever wanted to get rid of it. My
virginity was not hurting or inhibiting my life. It
did result in some uneasy conversations when my
straight girlfriends would ask about gay sex, or when
a guy would try to take it too far, but those awkward
moments have been worth the choice.
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Mangum is entering his senior year at the University of
San Diego. He’s currently an editorial
intern for The Advocate.