In 1997, NBC
movie reviewer Gene Shalit wrote an article for The
Advocate titled “For the Love of Pete,”
about his adult gay son. The opinions he expressed in
that piece, reprinted here, don’t seem to
correspond to his “sexual predator” slur
against Brokeback Mountain.
My eldest son,
Peter, is a physician, he’s gay, he and his partner
have been together for 17 years, and I wish
we’d see each other more often. (You call 3,000
miles far?) He graduated from the University of
Washington Medical School in Seattle, where he now lectures
and has a private practice; he is a Ph.D. in genetics;
he was Phi Beta Kappa at Cornell as an undergraduate;
he was a prodigy in botany, beginning to grow plants
at age 6; he wrote for botanical journals at 12; and he is
currently finishing a book about gay men’s health.
Among other areas of expertise, he is an authority on
AIDS, with a great many patients, and was among a
small team of physicians who went before the Washington
State supreme court on the side of allowing
doctor-assisted death. Peter is humane and
intelligent, and I’m crazy about him. (One of the
nice things about me is that I never brag about my
kids.)
One day, home
from Cornell, he asked me to his room, where he announced
that he is gay. I replied along the lines of, “I
thought you had something important to tell
me.” However, he says I was far from
indifferent. Since this was some two decades ago, perhaps
each of us has his own mirror of memory. Peter says I
was extremely concerned about his physical safety and
the consequences to his career. He may very well be
right, but I would have had good cause. Remember, it was
1973, not 1997. (And 1997 ain’t so hot either.)
Open bigotry was far more widespread. Many of
today’s empty closets were then crowded. It would
have been unnatural for me not to have been concerned.
I was also frightened when my younger photographer son
went to El Salvador and Nicaragua during the worst of
the civil wars. Do I love them both? You bet.
Peter has asked
if I wondered if his upbringing resulted in his being
gay. I can’t imagine it (although he says we
definitely discussed it), any more than my
daughter’s upbringing resulted in her being
left-handed or a third son’s turning into a
computer whiz who’s a vegetarian and writer and
digs gurus from India. My six children are individuals
working in diverse fields. In Peter’s case I
rarely think about his being gay unless it’s
brought up, any more than I ponder my other
children’s being evidently heterosexual. Some
of my best friends are heterosexuals. If I have any
regret, it is that Peter has no children. He would have
terrific kids, and he’d be a wonderful father.
I have covered
the performing arts for network TV and national magazines
for almost 50 years. Women and men in theater, film, music,
art, and dance exhibit every kind of personal
proclivity. As a critic, I don’t judge
individuals; I judge an individual’s work. Groups are
mosaics: There are wonderful Norwegians and awful
Norwegians, good Episcopalians and boring
Episcopalians, nice gays and gross gays, lousy presidents
and great presidents.
Many parents lie
awake at night wondering if they played a role in the
sexual orientation of their children. I think they should go
back to sleep. Each child is an individual. Speaking
personally, mine are in constant touch with their
brothers and sisters, and their love for each other is
the most joyous aspect in my life.
My credo has
always been: Let children follow their own star.
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Reprinted from the October 28, 1997, issue of
The Advocate. For more on Shalit’s controversial,
review of Brokeback Mountain, click here.