Gaysayer's Top Twitter Comedians of 2012

\u201cJohnny Depp and Russell Brand walk into a Claire's and buy all the bracelets\u201d

— Mary Charlene (@Mary Charlene) 1356549613

\u201cRight now Tom Cruise is explaining to Suri why mommy isn't going to Space Heaven\u201d

— Mary Charlene (@Mary Charlene) 1342493458

\u201cLove is letting a guy do for you what you could do for yourself in half the time & with only one finger.\u201d

— Mary Charlene (@Mary Charlene) 1336445021

\u201cJessica Simpson has already taught her daughter everything she knows.\u201d

— Jenny Johnson (@Jenny Johnson) 1335889344

\u201cYou know those women who write love letters to men in prison? Their vote counts just as much as yours.\u201d

— Jenny Johnson (@Jenny Johnson) 1352220499

\u201cMost people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.\u201d

— Jenny Johnson (@Jenny Johnson) 1339368118

\u201cAmerican Idol seems like the longest job interview for Carnival Cruises\u201d

— Zack (@Zack) 1330655926

\u201cI hope Lindsay Lohan is ok but if all else fails we still have her twin sister from Parent Trap\u201d

— Zack (@Zack) 1339191953

\u201cIt takes a strong person to admit when they're wrong, but an even stronger one to climb this tree so I can spy on my ex-boyfriend\u201d

— Zack (@Zack) 1338945966

\u201cIf Mohammed and Moses got gay married, most of the world\u2019s problems would end.\u201d

— God (Not a Parody, Actually God) (@God (Not a Parody, Actually God)) 1356653706

\u201cPeople, I can't just "damn" any "it" you happen to be mad at. There's a procedure. Fill out the forms.\u201d

— God (Not a Parody, Actually God) (@God (Not a Parody, Actually God)) 1357231871

\u201c"I'm proud to come from a state that has both same sex marriage and healthcare, but those things will crush America." - Mitt Romney\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1349317565

\u201cTo supporters of traditional marriage, I offer you this goat in exchange for your 12-year-old daughter. He's a nice goat.\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1337052514

\u201cThis just in: Republicans amend the Constitution to define rape as a sacred institution between one man and one woman who was asking for it.\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1345519586

\u201cPaul Ryan saying his favorite band is Rage Against the Machine is like Dick Cheney saying his favorite band is Heart.\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1345256551

\u201cPapa John's cutting back employee hours to avoid Obamacare, if anyone's hungry for a pizza made by desperate sick people.\u201d

— Jocelyn Plums (@Jocelyn Plums) 1352570313

\u201cWhen Elton John and Madonna fight, it's like homosexuality's parents are getting divorced.\u201d

— Louis Virtel (@Louis Virtel) 1344290613

\u201cIf you don't have anything nice to say, just say "guuuuuuurl" for like 15 seconds and walk away.\u201d

— hipstermermaid (@hipstermermaid) 1346372865