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Going to the Chapel, Again

Meet four same-sex couples who took the plunge in San Francisco in 2004 and learn why they can't wait to walk down the aisle one more time.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted June 5, 2008
Going to the Chapel, Again

The rapturous crowd that swarmed San Francisco City Hall in February 2004 -- only to have their same-sex unions annulled four months later -- may turn out to be the most married group in America. Many had already had private marriages or commitment ceremonies before the blitz on City Hall and now plan to marry again now that the California supreme court has overturned the state’s ban on same-sex marriages.

“I’ll get married in every state if I have to,” says performer Heather Gold. As a Canadian, Heather was able to marry her partner in Canada last December. When the California supreme court ruling came down, “my first call was to Stacey,” she says. “My second was to the caterer.”

Writer Jewelle Gomez, who was turned away -- license in hand -- when the marriages were halted in 2004, remembers the excitement of that time. “I walked up and down the line outside City Hall,” she says. “I hugged people I knew. I hugged people I didn’t know.”

The Advocate found that thrill has been renewed by the court’s May decision. Here are four couples -- married four years ago -- who now plan to retie the knot.

Phyllis Lyon Del Martin (Liz Mangkesdorf, SF Chron provided by NCLR) x395 | Advocate.com  

Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon

Lesbian icons Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon have been together 55 years. Their lifelong political activism made them a perfect choice to lead the charge in 2004. Kate Kendell, head of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, invited them to City Hall. “They made it easy on us,” Phyllis recalls. “They came to pick us up.” She and Del were the first same-sex couple to be married in San Francisco. “They kept it pretty secret because they didn’t want their enemies to rush to court,” she says. “The next day there were a lot of people there.”

Phyllis believes that gays and lesbians have a better chance of defeating an anti–gay marriage ballot initiative in California this November than they did in 2000. “In the eight years since that vote, a lot of young people have grown up and are voting, and gay marriage is not a big problem for them,” she says. “Also, more adults have met gay and lesbian people and they know more about us. So I think we have a good chance. We have to work hard. It is our right to marry.”

Page: 1 | 2
Marler is freelance writer based in San Francisco and a frequent contributor to The Advocate.
Keywords:  california marriage  marriage 
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Reader Comments

These comments are reproduced as written by visitors to this Web site. They have not been edited for content, grammar, or spelling. The viewpoints appearing here are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of advocate.com, The Advocate, or its affiliates.

  • Name: Nik
    Date posted: 2008-06-16 7:29 PM
    Hometown: Concord

    Comment:

    Congratulations to all the couples that will say "I do" in the following days! I'd like to thank Del and Phyllis for the strength it must have taken to continue the fight to see this day - again. Being a straight single mother, I am proud that I can tell my children today that their world is finally beginning to change for the better. I will be voting for equality in November! Much love to all of you - thank you for helping to give us all a more loving place to live.


  • Name: Deena
    Date posted: 2008-06-16 5:56 PM
    Hometown: Nashua

    Comment:

    Congratulations! To Phyllis and Del, from way back East in New Hampshire. I used to receive a copy of "The "Ladder" years ago, and enjoyed it so much. Everyone was closeted then, and though we've come a long way, we still have such a long way to go! Thanks to these two, who paved a smoother path for those to follow, and thanks to them, for setting the example they did, taking the risks to speak out that they did. Thank you for all you've done!


  • Name: Scott
    Date posted: 2008-06-09 3:23 PM
    Hometown: Oxnard, CA

    Comment:

    My (now) fiance and I were married in 2004 and will be marrying again this fall. The difference between then and now? We won't look like drowned rats after waiting in the rain all night. This time there is plenty of time to plan it. Our families will be there. And maybe the most important thing, I know more now than I did then. I didn't expect that marriage to be upheld. I was there to strike a blow, to make a statement. I didn't realize that standing there, repeating vows and looking into the eyes of the man I've loved these last 16 years would hit me so hard and so deep. As I repeated the words, I didn't care about striking a blow. And when the Supreme Court ruled - as I'd known they would - that our marriage was invalid, I didn't know it would cut like that. We're getting married - again or for the first time doesn't matter - and I know going in that being married matters on a very personal level, at least to me and mine.


  • Name: Linda
    Date posted: 2008-06-06 12:58 AM
    Hometown: Chico

    Comment:

    I am so excited for all of us as a community! My partner and myself were the sixth couple married in San Francisco...we were so very excited, as we are now for this opportunity! We have many friends planning their weddings and taking on this fight so that it is not overturned in November. Congratulations to all of us, and keep up the fight! Linda and Vickie, Chico, CA.


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