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The Decision of a Lifetime

Brenda Freiberg lost both of her sons to AIDS. One never even thought about marriage -- his fight was simply to stay alive. But her good friend Chief Justice Ronald M. George's landmark decision to legalize same-sex marriage still made an imprint on her heart.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted October 30, 2008
The Decision of a Lifetime

The morning of May 15, 2008, I heard some garbled news on the car radio, something like "gay marriage has been struck down." I turned from my FM classic music station to check the round-the-clock AM news networks. This time it was the opposite: News was just coming in from San Francisco, but it appeared that the California supreme court had overturned the ban on gay marriage. I changed stations to be sure the news wasn’t going to change again. It was the same. Gay marriage had been deemed legal by the court.

I pulled over to the curb and started to cry and called my husband at his office. “Honey, you won’t believe it: The court has ruled that gay marriage is legal.” An intake of breath, a sigh, an “Oh, Lord! This is amazing; it’s wonderful.”

I said, “Can you believe Ron’s courage?” We know the chief justice; we’ve known him almost all our lives.

I hung up and called his wife, Barbara, and could barely get the words out, I was crying so hard. “Oh, please thank Ron,” I blubbered. She was crying too.

I don’t know why it hit so hard; neither of our sons were waiting for the decision, though many of our friends were.

We had two gay sons who died of AIDS, in 1991 and 1996. Brett, the older, never even thought about marriage, even though he was in a long-term committed relationship; he was just focused on trying to stay alive.

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Brenda Freiberg, a former corporate executive and deputy mayor, has been an AIDS activist for over 20 years in the United States and internationally. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, to whom she has been happily married for 45 years. She has a daughter and granddaughter.
Keywords:  California marriage  Prop 8 
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Reader Comments

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  • Name: Juan Carlos
    Date posted: 2009-02-03 11:31 PM
    Hometown: Milwaukee

    Comment:

    Thank you so much Brenda. Your courage, support and love for everyone is now legendary. I know your two sons are so incredibly proud of you. You are an inspiration to all of us. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


  • Name: Mark
    Date posted: 2008-11-02 3:15 AM
    Hometown: Woombye, Queensland

    Comment:

    Thank you! This brought tears to my eyes.


  • Name: Lilia Janes
    Date posted: 2008-10-31 9:05 PM
    Hometown: Coopersville, IN

    Comment:

    You have to be a cold-hearted, evil bastard to listen to a story like this and STILL be opposed to gay marriage.


  • Name: Bruce Fairbanks
    Date posted: 2008-10-31 4:29 PM
    Hometown: Sacramento, CA

    Comment:

    Beautiful story, thanks for posting this on your website.


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