Caution in Expression of Identity  | Poll Results | Advocate.com

||   Caution in Expression of Identity   ||
Results for the following question: Should LGBT teens exercise caution in expressing their identity?

Yes
 63.6%

No
 27.3%

Undecided
 9.1%

Total Votes: 615

Comments:
These comments are reproduced as written by visitors to this Web site. They have not been edited for content, grammar, or spelling. The viewpoints appearing here are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of advocate.com, The Advocate, or its affiliates.

phenix
The question should be -- should any teen exercise caution in expressing their identity? If heterosexuals can express their preferences, hopes and dreams for future relations then what makes a LGBT teen any different? I'm straight but my daughter is Gay and both of us are proud of being who we are.

Anonymous
As a gay teenager, I always use caution. I know that not all environments are LGBT friendly by a long shot, and it's just not worth endangering yourself.

Rachel M Hervey PHN
Should LGBT teens exercise caution in expressing their identity ? Yes ! Until society becomes more literate, it is dangerous to be free with such information. I'd like to say, "Go ahead and out yourself" because that would, probably, push this ignorance to a head and we would see how many gays there really are out there and it would become a non issue but I'm not willing for them to take the punishment that they would endure, right now. Sincerely

Ben Genaux
To put it simply, I will use a quote: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" -Dr. Seusse I would rather live my life fully and risk it ending short than to suppress myself.

oaklandgayasian
Yes. Teenaged boys and young men are still trying to figure out their own sexuality and very threatened by differences. They are often afraid that others will think they too are Gay unless they take preemptive measures against those they preceive as Gay. Those measures might be shunning, verbal harrassment, or even physical attacks. It's interesting that they think being Gay is contagious...

Keith Andrews
I was out in small town Oklahoma in the early '80s. Sometimes I think I'm lucky to not have ended up like Matthew Shepard. Every out person helps chip away at this wall of ignorance we fight but we don't need more martyrs.

Brenda
A little bit of caution is warranted, due to the surge in hate crimes against gay, lesbian, and transgendered people. I wish that I had more faith in humanity, but the sad reality is that many will shun, ostracize, bully and physically attack anyone perceived as different. Speaking from experience, I discovered the depths of the human soul, both its wonders and atrocities, before I came out as bisexual. The slightest hint that you are a "freak" and the people you once called friends can turn on you... However, sometimes the most amazing thing happens and someone comes out of the woodwork and befriends you... someone admires that you were the first to make others stand up and take notice that LGBT individuals deserve respect, too. So, my advice to LGBT teens is to start small. Stand up for others when they are being bullied. When someone makes snide, homophobic comments, tell them that it isn't funny. Don't support the hate, and remember that you are not alone. High school is not the alpha and omega of your existence. Someday, you will be find others who are queer like you or who have queer friends and family. Stay positive, but be careful.

D. Gregory Smith
Shame and safety vs. honesty and possible difficulty... choices we all make on a daily basis

megan hogan
everyone should be whole they are, they may be cationous if they know if they are not coming out at a good time. But if its who u are, then do it.

Anonymous
I'm a 15-year-old lesbian, and I've certainly exercised caution. And that's kept me from torment. Repeatedly.

lexy
i think it depends on the situation... i think if they have reason to believe that coming out might put them in immediate physical danger then yes. if not then no.

Steph Vomact
I am almost outraged at the blatant over- simplicity of the question. Would it be appropriate to ask if people should exercise caution in breathing? Well, in some circumstances they should (like an industrial waste dump) and in MOST circumstances it should not be a major concern. Where these issues are a major concern are places that might have a serious problem that needs to be worked on as the underlying IMPORTANT issues, of for one,personal safety for all teens (& adults and children)living everyday life.

Xo
If the gay (LGBT) community, life and politics are all about "mind your manners" then we wouldn't have had STONEWALL.

Janet
I don't feel staying in the closet is a good idea for anyone. Teens are more accepting and I feel coming out early in life is probably best for ones self immage. Of course teens need to be aware that they may be at risk of being ridiculed just like the rest of us, however, they can seek help from a local Gay and Lesbian advocacy group in their home town.

John
They should feel comfortable to be who they are. However, they do need to be careful in how open they are about crushes, especially if the crush is on a straight person who would not react well.

Stormy
I'm reminded of that Ani lyric, "Smile pretty and watch your back". I wish that it were not the world we live in that people are murdered for being who they are... but here we are. Growing up in SmallTown, USA it was a matter of safety in my mind. I was closeted until after I had graduated college out of fear of being "bashed" like other people that I knew of. I now live in a metropolitan city and I imagine my youth would have been very different here. I think there is a fine line between protecting oneself and sheltering your identity. If I had a support group back then and didn't feel as threatened... perhaps things would have been different. But then again, it could have only opened the door to harassment and violence. I commend the youth that are undeniably who they are but in the world we live in, I can't help but think that we all must proceed with caution and watch each others backs.

Frankie
Everybody should exercise caution in expressing themselves. It isn't being afraid or being a coward; it's being smart. When people come out they want to have allies who see them the same way they have always seen them, they way they have always been. Some people need to be broken in easily. So the slow approach to coming out and expressing ones self seems the best way. I's worked for me so far...

Mike
Of course it would be wonderful to live in a world where our children can express who they are completely openly and safely. But we don't quite live in that world yet, and LGBT teens should make sure they put a lot of thought into the issue before they express their identity. It is up to more mature LGBT member of society to show who they truly are in a vocal manner, and attempt to change society for the better so that one day LGBT teens will never have to live in fear of other people's reponses.

Paul
I grew up in a VERY rural area IN north Georgia. I came out when I was 13 years old. I was amazed at the respect I was given just for being honest. Self expression and honesty are the true building blocks of life and daily living. Without these blocks, one really lacks the foundation to build his/her life.

AJ
These teens are courageous for wanting to take a stance on who they are. However schools are notorious for gay baiting and physical violence against gays with little supervision from school administrators or teachers.

PJD
LGBT teens should be who they are whenever possible, but need to learn to exercise caution when not doing so could put them in danger.

Susan Meiers
I think they should make that decision, as only they know the attitudes and situation where they live.

Anonymous
"Caution" often means living in the closet and/or uncomfortably in a gender that doesn't fit for fear that someone, someday might take exception to it and harm you. This is not healthy, and can lead to the higher rates of depression, suicide, and AODA issues that we see in LGBT youth. Youth should be able to express themselves. The onus of responsibilty for their safety is on their families, schools and communities.

Anonymous
All GLBT people should exercise caution. this is America!

Larry Ohl/Felix Rodriguez
The killing of Lawrence King is truely tragic and porbably could have been avoided. It is sad that in todays world, particularly Junior High and High School, gender nonconformity can be extremely dangerous. Unfortunately, kids must be aware of the culture that exists in their schools and act accordimgly. Someday that may change, but not for a very long time.

Gavin M. Stephenson-Jackman
It is unfortunate but we still live in a cruel world with some very uninformed people who can do real harm to our youth mentally and physically. It is important that our youth have a supportive environement when they are expressing their identity.

Karl
It's been decades since I was a teenager, and obviously things have changed on this front, but as a rule, I'd say yes, don't go whole-hog until you're of legal age and have a little more maturity under your belt. So perhaps "caution" is not the word, but "prudence".

Tom Willard
While I would like to say no to this question it is unfortunate that gay teens do have to exercise caution in expressing their identities. I say exercise caution but in no way am I saying that they should not do it. Coming out is an important step in ones life and it reduces the amount of self-hate that one has for themselves. The problem with exercising caution has more to do with the fact that the problem is that we as a society raise our children to hate and fear homosexuality rather than to support it. Society sends a message that it is ok to persecute and even kill homosexuals which makes exercising caution necessary. I am 40 plus years old and I still exercise caution in exposing my identity to some. I am an out gay man but in new and uncertain situations I exercise caution because I know that some in society have been conditioned to hate us. Funny thing is that those who promote that hate should be all about love and respect for their fellow man but alas are sending the wrong message to our children. The gay community is sending the right message that coming out is the right thing to do to make and impact change and it is unfortunate that our society has not caught up with the message that being gay is ok, in fact it is just as ok as being blue eyed or brown eyed and isn’t it after all supposed to be about us loving and respecting each other. I blame the parents and our society for the death of King because they allowed the thoughts and feelings to breed in the mind of McInerney sending the message that homosexuality is so wrong it is ok to kill someone over it. He should not have been so threatened by it, it is not catching. It is a born trait. As a society we must be cautious about the messages that we send. Hate and murder is not OK under any circumstances.

Anonymous
They shouldn't have to but the reality is that it isn't a safe place to be in this day!

james
growing up in alabama this could be a death sentence, literally. i know some folks in more liberal areas think that to say this is an exageration but it is not. at best you will be made fun of, ridiculed and physically assaulted. i would say teens in very conservative christian areas should refrain for the most part. we know what the conservitive christian southern crowd is capable of.

Jesse
Visiblilty. Without it nothing can change. Is it risky? As risky as a black man and a white woman dating in the 60s but the real question is if they did hide, how many would survive? The death toll from silence is already too high. My love to you all.

Anonymous
Be yourself!

Anonymous
I was in Jr. High in the early 80's and even in small-town, rural Minnesota the kids were dressing up like the Go-Go's, Boy George, or whoever their favorite punk, new-wave or whatever band at the time was. I don't recall anyone ever getting beat up or killed because they dressed up flamboyantly. No, I do NOT think kids should worry about how they want to dress - I think the high school thugs should have their asses kicked! These kinds of people SUCK! It's how it's been all through time - leather jacket, you're bad; long hair, you're bad; ripped jeans, you're bad; goth or punk, you're bad, etc., etc., etc. One's outward appearance doesn't mean SHIT to anyone else but the individual's own self-expression and if someone else doesn't like it and gives you a hard time - tell 'em to, "FUCK OFF!" and if that doesn't work - PUNCH 'em in the FACE!

Jennifer
As long as children are required to hide their true selves, we will never get past homophobia. When children are free to express fully who they are, they have a better chance of influencing their young friends into seeing that even though they are LGBT, they are still people and classmates and worthy of friendship and respect. We of the older generation need to be there for support and to make sure they know they are free to be who they are, and to help non-LGBT understand that it is just the way people are and not a disease or abnormal as some would suggest to them.

Tammy
One must live life to its fullest. Hiding did not help me adjust or be happy. I have always known I was trans but fear created an angry man rather than a happy woman. For your on sanity, be who you are, everyday of your life.

Tanya
Expressing ones true self to friends/peers in the teen circle is a bit of a difficult area. Also depending on where you are/what age you tell the rest of the world. For example expressing yourself at an early age is bound to lead to teasing of a sought. Whereas if you tell most people at a later age they are more likely to be accepting. Unfortunately at every step of the way you are going to find some people that will not accept you for who you are. And all you have to do there is just sever all ties with them. Theres no point in casing yourself pain from someone who is not open enough to accept people for who they are.

Kennedy V.
As an out and proud 12 year old I had no concept when it came to the hate of the world. As the majority of the world has become much more tolerant, those who oppose us out there have become more desperate in their attempts to keep us from being who we are on an everyday basis.

Rebecca K.
The honest truth is, a lot of LGBT kids who come out or have pride will be targeted. There are a lot of bigots and haters out there. I wish that LBGT teens could freely express themselves unafraid, but until people are more tolerant, and teachers quit being deliberately ignorant of the bullying going on that is queer-related... it's not going to be easy for a very long time.

Anna
It is good for teens to be themselves, but to a degree. Unfortunate, yes, but there will always be times when gays will need to hide their sexuality. Teens need to learn when to express themselves and when not to stand out.

Heather Comtois
I wish the world was safe for everyone, but certainly teens need to be cautious in order to be safe.

ty
i myself came out in high school and had the worst time coming out in clovis, ca. i was always getting beat up and teased. i wouldn't trade it in for the world. i learned so much about people and myself. i was aware of the growing problem of fear that surrounded me and i was always concerend for my safety. the teachers did not try and help me and said that i brought it upon myself. i think it is a life lesson when you come out and how the people around you deal with it. i think if you can't be yourself or find youself in high school then when will you? you just need the space to do so...

Anonymous
Not because there is anything wrong that they need to hide, but because many face expulsion from the family and life on the street. Such expulsion is inexcusable, but that does not stop it from happening. If teens are fearful that such an outcome might happen, they should wait until they can be self-supporting. This is a much bigger problem for transgender children who do not wish to enter puberty in the wrong body, but they face even greater danger. Come out at your own risk, or wait until you can live without Mom and Dad.

Cara
I would hope they don't have to but at the same time that little 8yr old boy was killed for a stupid little valentine card, and who knows he may not even had been gay when we got older, kids are more open and they should all express themselves freely gay/straight/tran/drag/tom boy or if they see ghosts and feel spirits and think they are magic it's all the same thing I wish people wouldn't be scared to be themselves because nobody in this life is alone.

Anonymous
I think it should depend on the environment. Though a person should never be someone that they aren't, it is often wise to keep who they are hidden when in a hostile environment. It's not being untrue to one's self; it's doing the responsible thing and not endangering their person.

Anonymous
Most definitely yes. For all of the gains that have been made in the GLBT community, there is still a lot of hatred out there too.

Anonymous
If I'm at a KKK party, I'd exercise caution and advise others to do so too. Dramatics aside, safety should always come first when physical violence is a possibility.

Beth
Coming out in a hostile home or school environment can be a very painful experience for some LGBT youth. For some LGBT youths it may be better to not come out to family until after they are emancipated.

Kevin
Teens are much more vulnerable to both peer and authority pressures, and as such are far more at risk for both physical, emotional and psychological harm. Caution should always be employed.

Anonymous
They shouldn't have to, but obviously It is dangerous not to.

Anonymous
Not anymore than LGBT adults should. I can't even believe you are asking this question.

Travis Colten Yocom
Sadly, I would say yes, LGBT youth should exercise caution on where and how they come out. It should not be this way in America, but it is. Some degree of progress has been made in that it is not as dangerous to come out as it was when I young in the '80s. This question ties into a newstory that the Advocate has been following about the Iranian gay guy who is fighting deportation back to Iran where he will be executed. This story makes me so angry, I want to spit nails. This story got me thinking about the intersection between religion and sexuality. The danger here is that some in the U.S. want to make us like Iran. This is the dream of fear-whipping rightists to send us all to camps to die to enforce some ancient Biblical nonsense. Just remember that that dapper Christian dude in his Easter Sunday best is not far away from the type who would help build those camps. When we have hate groups that protest rainbow stickers and Days of Silence, we must all be concerned. The following assertion must not be lost: if we are to fight the hatred and determine what kind of country we want to live in, then we must use our vote, money, minds and wills to build it. This fight is distinctly American and the push for our rights and then protections can never cease.---Travis Colten Yocom

Bob Green
People who hate are going to do what evil they will do. It is more important to build our straight allies by coming out to our families and friends. Their love and support is the major weapon we have to stop the evil from being accepted as acceptable or valid.

Anonymous
I'm not sure what this question means. We all need to be cautious in certain situations, but LGBT youth have the right to fully express their identities in our schools and communities. Our schools and culture need to change -- not our youth.

Anonymous
If you carry concealed legally, or are as large as I, go for it! Otherwise you may arrive at your destination not quite as neatly as youhad planned on.

Arthur
In an ideal world, they wouldn't have to. They could be, if you'll forgive the expression, "as gay as they want to be", and never have anything to fear. But since this is not an ideal world, they do need to exercise discretion in who they come out to, and how they behave. The argument can be made that by coming out, they help further acceptance for the entire LGBT community. Which is true, but they're teenagers. Let them wait till they're adults so they can appreciate the ramifications of their actions.

Anonymous
We live in a country that strives to protect freedom of expression. So there you go express yourself, its a hell of a lot easier in high school anyway.

Anonymous
Only through greater visibility will greater acceptance be achieved. Of course, it is always important to consider one's personal safety, but suggesting "discretion" in identity expression sends the message that there is something wrong with a non-straight identity.

Jessica
No one should ever have to hesitate to express their identity, regardless of what that identity may be. It pains me that this even has to be asked. On the other hand, it is tragically "dangerous" to be open in certain places or with certain people. Exercise your right of expression, I say. But I won't say everyone should/is able to/wants to do it all the time.

Ginelle
I do believe they should in some ways - depending of course on the circumstances and the people involved. While it is a good thing that gay teens can be out there for the sake of visibility and teaching their peers tolerance towards others, at the same time there is still so much bullying and hate crimes directed towards gay people. There needs to be hate crime legislation strongly implemented, there needs to be some sort of compulsory education to teach people that agressive behaviour towards any person or marginalized group will not be tolerated. Parents need to learn to trust school officials to teach their children that there are differences and to respect those differences, if the parents do not want to or not able to teach their children themselves.

Ken in CT
We can tell these kids to be who they are, but without instilling a sense of situational caution we are obviously leading them to their deaths. Do the adults who push this thinking not remember what it was like to grow up different - to be bullied, beaten and degraded on a daily basis just for being different- let alone dressing differently. I do.

Kit
Absolutely exercise caution. Should they have to be? No, but unfortunately we aren't in an ideal world. Both for physical and psychological reasons I'd say be wary unless you know you can handle the heat. When I was a teen I was the aggressive, angry, and somewhat scary sort. When I ended up somewhat out, I was basically spared much harassment because I was scarier than the people who would have wanted to deal with (in a very small town in Texas). It was fairly lonely.

Guy A. Snow
Like a young child, gay teens, upon coming out, may not have the "what if" reaction clear in their heads. What if I tell the world I'm gay? Will everyone still love me and respect me? Those of us who are older know the answer to this, sad as it may seem. We want our gay teens to respect themselves and be proud, but they have to understand the boundaries in the straight world, especially as it concerns their romantic feelings for others. It is a sad commentary and reminds me of the similar situation that concerned the Jenny Jones show, though they were adults.

Anonymous
They should exercise caution, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't express who they are. It's extremely important for LGBT teens to educate themselves about their legal rights, because the adults in their lives -- parents, community members, and school staff alike -- cannot be counted on to protect these kids or respect their rights. And those of us who support LGBT youth MUST reach out to them and help them grow up safely and with encouragement and love.

Anonymous
Yes, absolutely! Gay teens do not have the maturity to defend themselves, as was the case with Lawrence King. And especially when you're in the middle of bum-fuck America, aka Oxnard, CA, the white trash who live in such areas are not emotionally equipped to deal with anyone who is not exactly like them. The people at Casa Pacifica should be held partially responsible for this child's death for not stepping in and curtailing some of Larry's flamboyant nature, until he was old enough, wise enough and physically able to defend himself. Shame on the staff at Casa Pacifica!

Chris
Extreme caution are the right words in my mind. Especially if the 'read' that you get from your family indicates you might get an unwanted, all expense paid trip to some nutball organization to be 'cured'. (My parents STILL tried to talk me into that even after I came out to them at 20 and they couldn't force it on me)

Nathaniel Hargan
I think it's important depending on the social culture in which you live.

James
It really depends on the circumstances, however ultimately I would say that it is better to be out and proud with it.

Kevin J
Freedom to express identity without fear is an ideal that should be available to all people. The reality of our world is less than ideal, so some recognition of specific situations is necessary. An assessment of personal safety should not be ignored...while working to ensure that a safe environment is the norm should be everyone's responsibility.

Anonymous
If we aren't seen and not heard, how can we be represented?

Anonymous
Yes, because who wants to be Out, Proud, and Dead?

Beverly
Hormones, developing brains, a certainty on what they think they know is the truth, and a sense of invulnerability. Especially trans teen need to think about coming out and the people around them, many will accept, but too many others feel that what they think is right and don't have the control to stop it, as witnessed by all the teen violence.

Ken
Time and place. There's a time and a place for everything, including expressing your gayness. Be aware of your surroundings, and if you sense they might be or turn hostile, act accordingly. One can always "be yourself" in the comfort and safety of friends and family who support you. Don't make a target of yourself.

Anonymous
It is abhorrent for you to blame Larry King for his own murder. What kind of an Advocate does that?

Anonymous
Do the breeders exercise caution in displays of their sexual identity? Nope. So why should queer youth? If you don't stand up for your fundamental right to be, you'll never be a human in the eyes of the law.

Billy
It just depends on where you live. It may be different in some places. I live in Tennessee and showing affection where I live Is risky. If they understand the risks, then fine. But if you live in an area where Bush got 70 percent of the vote, like me, you have to be careful.

bill korsak
the fact that we are asking if we should be blaming the victum is totaly backward thinking and a tremendous scale. would we be even asking the question in the victum was a woman or a racial minoirty...is this the blaming of the victum?

Anonymous
I deeply regret that our societal reality requires LGBT youth to be so cautious with their own identities, but when I was attending my rural high school, I knew that transparency could equate to real risk. I wish I could have been more open, but reality is reality, and I'm no martyr.

Larisa
Though I would love to say, "absolutely not! Be who you are, out loud!" It's impossible in our society to ensure not only the physical safety, but the emotional safety of a teen "coming out." Unfortunately, for at least the time being, kids and adults alike will have to continue weighing the costs of being open and honest with their personal safety.

John Bosch
Paul, how do you think the "world will HAVE to change" when a young out gay teen is faced with a gang of armed anti-gay thugs who want to beat him to death? Yes, it's 2008 but we won't change the world until we change their minds -- one at a time. What have we all done lately to change the minds of someone who has ill thoughts about the gay community?

Anonymous
The fact that makes this incident even more horrible that King was encouraged to be himself without effective guidance. To help a youth become comfortable with his sexuality and/or gender identity is laudable. To do so without guidance on developing self-respect and dealing with a hostile world is irresponsible to say the least. Especially when helping a young man with emotional problems. Schools can be the most hostile of environments for both gay youth and adults. Even many prisons keep gays separate from the general population for their own safety. Where was the common sense?

Sarah
Doesn't it really depend on the context? I wouldn't advise two teenage boys to go through a rough area of town holding hands for fear they may be attacked. Just because you have the right to be yourself does not mean you have to flaunt it in peoples faces, especially if that means you may be injured. Young people have better things to do than be martyrs for freedom of expression.

terry
My God, I don't even believe we're even asking that question. Of course, LGBT teens should use extreme caution because they're still minors and can face consequences from peers and family if they even hint that they're different. I know many people may disagree with me but let's be realistic here: we may be in the 21st century but there are people still living on beliefs that are practically in the 50s or in the Victorian age. You can't force young people, particularly impressionable young men to accept and even respect people different than themselves. It's in a young man's nature to taunt, destroy, and yes, even kill anything that can be perceived as a threat to himself or his identity. That's just the way it it.

Anonymous
Teenagers need to understand that different values and societal standards of behavior can clash at any given time. With a little time and life experience, most gain an understanding of setting and what is appropriate--and where. However, many teenagers haven't truly developed their own identity to the point that they can adequately defend it; there's usually still a lot of confusion and necessary soul-searching. Besides, it's unfortunate, but even if a certain individual or group accepts a person's identity, that doesn't mean they're also going to embrace the accompanying behaviors. For example, a gay person's family, church, workplace, school, or surrounding community might respect a person's state as a homosexual but be utterly disgusted by the flashiness, extreme dress and behavior, and physical acts that sometimes accompany it. Take the typical straight guy banter: "I don't care if he's gay; that's fine. But if he touches me or looks at me funny, I'll kick his ass." It's a true balancing act.

Anonymous
Unfortunately, I believe any LGBT person needs to exercise caution, taking into consideration the circumstances and potential risks. Sad, but true.

Anonymous
Yes, everyone should be aware of their environment and act accordingly, to protect themselves.

one who was outed early and who knows
MOST DEFINITELY. Not to say that you shouldn't be able to speak your mind...but be careful. You're one of the most influential, and vulnerable groups. Go ahead, be vocal. But be smart too.

Anonymous
They shouldnt have to, but we all know the truth.

Paul
With public figures like Sally Kern espousing and encouraging our destruction gay teenagers need to be careful who they disclose to . More violence and destruction has been wrought upon this world by religion then by any other force . There is no better example of this than Kern's Talibaptist Church .

Az
Yes LGBT teens should exercise caution in expressing their identity. We are in the process of fighting for men, women and children of all ages. For those who know who they are and for those who don't know yet. Our situations vary as some people are understanding but in other cases there are beatings, children get hurt, evicted from their own homes, shunned and disowned. So the younger ones should take care as to avoid severe crisis.

Anna Davis
I believe they should exercise caution but I believe anyone in any situation that they might possibly be singled out and targeted should exercise caution. Being cautious is not the same as hiding who you are. I think it up to those that are willing to get out there and risk these things that we worry so much about (life, status, etc.) to change the world around us so that LGBT teens can be free to not worry about this particular aspect of their life. It is up to people that are not in restrictive situations to help protect other people that are.

Gene Park
Discretion is the better part of valor. Not only gay teens should use discretion but gay adults should be wary of where they are and amongst whom. You don't want to walk into a John Birch Society or KKK or Republican conclave or your local Nazi or white supremacist group or fundamental christian church and let everyone know you are gay unless you are well armed with a lot of back up. Tell only those who really want to know and won't kill you for it. We've come a long way baby, but, honey, think before upsetting the poor ignorant buggers unless messing with hornets nests is your thing. I think it is wonderful that gay teens today can now come out but not at the cost of their lives. In my day, to do so would mean that you could be beaten to death and the killers would not be arrested or charged with the crime. Don't be fooled that the days of concentrations camps and gas chambers is over. Think that and you will a fool realizing you are going to die just because you love another man or woman whatever the case may be.

Mary
It depends on where they live. In certain states they'll kill you and drop you down a well but in other places you can totally be yourself and stay safe. It also depends on what type of support you have: friends who will watch your back, parents who love you unconditionally, teachers that understand you, etc. Teens need to be careful. As a middle school teacher for 23 years I can tell you that gay teens really have a tough row to hoe, even in 2008. All of my kids are precious to me but I keep a special eye on the ones who appear to be discovering that they are different.

Anonymous
If you live in America and someplace other than San Fran or Massachusetts you had better.

Kevin Olomon
Coming out (or remaining closeted)- and to what exact degree is ALWAYS a personal matter and all GLBT folks need to weigh every factor in their own personal situation before taking any actions. Any collective benefit an entire population stands to inherit takes a back seat to the individual's right to choose for themself.

Gokhan
As with anyone in any situation, one must understand where he or she is and determine whether such behaviour might result in harm. Sure, it's important to be able to express one's self and hopefully educate people. But the reality is that there are still people out there who will harm others. As a white man, I know that proudly expressing my whiteness in some parts of some cities may not be a good idea and I think the gays, young and old, need to be aware of similar situations.

Anonymous
I'm out to my school community, but I said that LGBT teens should exercise caution in expressing their identity. All people in our community need to gauge our environments before coming out, regardless of age. Some places are just not safe for anyone to express themselves, regardless of orientation, since they are so entrenched in ignorance and fear.

HW
Sad to say, even in this day and age, it is still necessary for LGBT teens to be careful, though this is more true in some parts of the country than in others. At the same time, they should not use this as an excuse to stuff themselves into the closet. It goes without saying that being an LGBT teen isn't easy, and I get very frustrated at times at the reactionary atmosphere in this country, and not just in relation to sexual orientation. One of my mother's friends is a white woman who is married to a black man. She left her hometown because of the harassment and disapproval she experienced because of her interracial marriage. I also have a friend who has been scorned and mocked just as much for being an atheist as for being gay.

Anonymous
the answer is yes and no... yes, know your environment, and no, don't surrender your personhood. also, it pays to have done the groundwork and be sure you have a solid support network. you rock, kids. we laid the groundwork, you, and your peers are going to have to finish the job.

Roger Burr
While it is ordinarily a great idea for every gay/lesbian person to 'come-out', individual decisions to do so must be made taking into consideration any concerns for physical safety. Sadly, there are still those people who would not hesitate to harm or even kill someone, based on their sexual orientation or gender preference. As an 'out' gay man of many years, I fully support our brothers and sisters making their presence known; but not to the detriment of their lives.

Anonymous
Be yourself and demand respect

Anonymous
It sucks but in the world that we live in, being who you really are isnt a viable option at all times.

Jill
I feel that everyone has the right to be open about who they are.

Anonymous
no. if we ask them to subject themselves to verbal abuse and violence they are often unsafe, but if we ask them to hide themselves, this leads to cycles of shame, guilt and depression and everything that comes with it. either way they lose. we should teach them both self defense and pride, and we should work with their schools and communities to create greater safety nets to protect them.

Rich in K.C.
Yes they should. Even with all the progress we've made we must remember that we still live in one of the most rightwing, bible-thumping, hell fire and brimstone countries in the world. There are plenty of our fellow citizens who wouldn't hesitate to march us off to prison camps given half a chance. Americans warped sexual attitudes continue to dumbfound our friends across the pond.

Candy
I would rather perish for who I am, than be who I am not.

Anonymous
They shouldn't have to, but it's a scary world we live in, one in which you can die for expressing yourself. I would never put any blame on our LGBT youth for expressing themselves and being hurt verbally or physically (or killed) by someone who is intolerant, but how do we keep these kids safer at school and in their communities if we can't even talk about such differences with our students because of squeamish administrators or fundamentalist/fearful parents? If we could talk openly and constantly with children about respect for ALL starting in grade school, maybe by the time they reached middle school and high school, this bullying would not be such an issue.

Qris J
I said yes, but I'm really torn by the implications of this question. Should they give power to the homophobes by playing it safe, or ought they not be "out loud & proud"?. I'm for the latter but, damn, I just don't get behind the idea of martyrdom. In a future generation things will be different, what we do now will make it so.

Anonymous
I want to choose "no" but the fact is that it is STILL dangerous for young LGBT folks.

Anonymous
The young people should exercise caution, but they should receive support and understanding also. There are almost always underlying emotional issues apart from their sexuality that cause the extremes in dress and mannerisms.

Anonymous
it all depends on their situation - you need to have a support system in place at home, in school etc to really be able to come out safely. for all of the change we have made culturally, it can be deceptive

David McKinzie
As a teenager I think you should certainly be concerned about the security aspect of being sexually different than society's definition of "normal," especially if you're in a more conservative area (like I am). I remember after coming out, being spit upon, called names, bullied, beat up, and actually kicked out of a classroom because one of the students wasn't "comfortable" with me there. Be yourself, but watch behind you! Don't let others push you around, but don't push them too hard either. Live and let live as best as you can. Don't try to change their opinions, just be content to live your own life the way you want.

Bill Cameron
What might be hidden today will live to celebrate and rejoice at a later date. Is it fair? No. But a child should not die for being true and honest!

Anonymous
Depends on where they live, unfortunatley.

andrew
Of course they should exercise caution. That is not to say they should censor their selves or their identity but they need to be careful for sfaety reasons, unfortunately, about who they express to. This is not a safe world, and one needs to be brave AND smart.

dawna reisner
Its all circumstantial. i believe that LGBT youth should know the risks and use caution when needed, but don't do it in fear, do it in the sense of survival. we certainly dont need anymore closets in this community of ours and it certainly isnt OUR fault that hate happens, but we unfortunately we still need to be careful.

Anonymous
Yes, but they and the rest of the gay community needs to learn how to defend oneself.

Thom
Some insane straight person might not approve of it. Be careful when you're around bigots, duh!!!!!!!

Anonymous
They should be aware of the dangers, but at the same time they need to be able to express themselves like other teenagers are doing. I think the school systems and teachers have to be more active in creating a protective, educating environment

Anonymous
It's so much more difficult to protect teenagers from bullying and/or violence, especially when other kids' parents are just as homophobic and encourage the behavior. School administrators do so little to protect these kids for fear of retribution from other parents. Adults can move away from a bad situation; kids cannot. It's possible to be unashamed of one's identity without setting oneself up to be a target for violence.

Anonymous
It is foolish in this day and time to take that chance.

Donna
Even though we have come out of our collective closets we must abide by society rules, at least for our young people. Its a sad situation one that I endured even by staying in the closet as a teenager. We must try and protect our young people by passing laws to protect them. Our violent society screams out for this kind of behavior and the ones most vunerable (our youth) pay attention...the so called adults in our midst are laying the ground work for our demise by teaching hate, retaliation and intolerance.

Paul
It is 2008. COME OUT and the world will have to CHANGE. Stay a COWARD and the Right-Wing wins!

Anonymous
Sad but true, you gotta be careful. Being out and loud and proud in highschool sounds great on paper. But too many wind up dead, it seems. Also, sad but true, a lot of these dead gays WENT out of there way pursuing straight guys which is NOT very smart either.

Shane Reader
Speaking from experience, verbal abuse is common in today's high schools, but physical abuse is rare and people are generally capable of expressing who they are with fear of little retribution beyond a few harsh words

Anonymous
It really depends on where they reside.

Anonymous
Sadly, all LGBT must take some degree of caution depending on their surroundings.

Anonymous
They shouldn't need to be caustious when they want to tell someone who they are. It is just a natural instinct to talk about yorself. When you need to remain silent it can be frustrating. Unfortuatey that is how it is for now. I hope it gets better in the future and anyone anywhere can express who they trully are in one way or another.

Cindy
Hell yes. Yes, in theory it's nice to be all out and proud, but you need to use some common sense too. Is the idea of getting harassed, beaten up or killed appealing? It sure isn't to me.

Bill McFarlin
While I agree that individuals should feel free to express their identity it may not always be practical or wise to do so, as witnessed by the recent tragic and untimely death of 15-year-old Lawrence King. Evaluating every situation before throwing caution to the wind is always wise as a means of protecting yourself.

Anonymous
Sadly, not all students are able to be who they are in the American school system. As much as students want to be out and proud-depending on the school environment-they must be weary. I have seen some schools that are very supportive of glbt students, and others that find such students to be a disgrace. I am lucky enough to serve as a sponsor for a GSA in our high school. Our school's administration is 100% supportive of our students (we have glbt guest speakers, dances, day of silence, t-shirts, etc.) and they often ask them what the climate in the school is like for them and what changes should be made to make it safer for everyone. (Even when other staff would roll eyes or snicker when the subject is brought up at staff meetings, most are positive.) However, I have worked at schools where GSA groups are not allowed and tolerance of others is deplorable. Perhaps they don't like glbt students, don't want to deal with upset parents...who knows. But providing a safe and healthy learning environment for ALL students is not paramount for all schools.

Anonymous
Is that what they call the Closet? Then yes go back to your closet!

Anonymous
I dont think it is at all fair to tell a child to be themselves conditionally. Self Expression hurts no one; those who feel threatened or hurt by it need a reality check. Whats more destructive to society a man in eyeshadow or or a man with a fist/gun/bat/rage?

Taylor M.
I am 17 and there are many situations in which kids my age should't get caught up in in my opinion. But I also do believe that gay and lesiban teens in our world today do have a much greater voice than those of previous generations. That aside, im totally gay and very proud! I think thats very important.

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