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The Best TV 2009

Score One for the Man From Uranus

Barney Frank is TV's Hero of the Week. And some extremely cool voguing kids. They're heroic too.

What I Learned From TV This Week

Kathy Griffin going off on "The Reagan Years," Martha Stewart shoving a wiener in her mouth, and the tease that is Hung: And none of it has anything to do with NYC Prep or Miami Social.

Speidi Makes Stephen Baldwin Sound Rational

Heidi's voice makes Spencer throw up. Satan makes Heidi throw up. Both of them make Stephen Baldwin seem rational. And now you're all caught up on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here.

Gay Marriage Debates vs. 'Wipeout!'

Summer TV is here. So where's the brainless fun? Coverage of the California supreme court's Prop 8 ruling or Wipeout! ? Decisions.

The Bad Old Days

The Lady Gaga Channel

Masculine Feminine

NYC Prep vs. Miami Social

It's the Preps vs. the Miamis as Dave White settles in for a totally shallow, extremely gay evening of cocktails, Botox, pedicures, and fakery with the latest in quality reality programming, courtesy of Bravo.

'Designing Women' Made You Gay

The shoulder-pad sisterhood of ladies from Atlanta that paved the way for Sex and the City is now on DVD -- and Dave White is all over it.

Talkin' All Dumb With Carrie Prejean

Dave White recaps Miss Calif. USA Carrie Prejean's new daytime comedy show with her talk of Photoshopped boobs, closeted bloggers with hidden agendas, the Good Lord, diversity, and the Second World War.

The Worst TV of 2009

Softball with Oprah and Palin

Gayness Overload

When You Grow Up Your Heart Dies

We interrupt this column about television to talk about old John Hughes movies on television.

10 TV-Based Reason I Love America

The Fourth of July is right around the corner. Dave White feels most patriotic sprawled on the couch watching NYC Prep ... though lesbian disco gangs and wrestling porn stars aren't bad either.