Best Tweet Ever: Reviving Anne Heche’s Career 

\u201cMom still periodically asks me if being a lesbian means wanting to be a man. Today, I caved and told her to make me a god damned sandwich.\u201d

— Jami Smith (@Jami Smith) 1328572499

\u201cAlways being prepared for sex means carrying a condom and a bucket, in case you get nervous and throw up in the middle.\u201d

— Louis Peitzman (@Louis Peitzman) 1328776534

\u201cYou say tomato. I say FRIEND!? You say no. I cry in the corner for a while.\u201d

— hipstermermaid (@hipstermermaid) 1328757017

\u201cI put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings.\u201d

— Aparna Nancherla (@Aparna Nancherla) 1328601115

\u201cAs important as it is to fight opponents of marriage equality, we must never forget to pity them, make fun of them, & fart on/near them.\u201d

— rob delaney (@rob delaney) 1328646894

\u201cI confess, I've been in a room full of grown men reciting quotes from Mean Girls and thought, "Maybe we shouldn't be allowed to marry."\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1328749075

\u201cMom, leaving a tampon in for 14 hours is the bravest thing I've ever done. So the answer is no, I would not take a bullet for you.\u201d

— Mary Charlene (@Mary Charlene) 1328814440

\u201cI bet Anne Heche's agent is suggesting "eating pussy just one more time" at this point.\u201d

— Shannon (@Shannon) 1328673725