Gifting No-Nos for Gay Men

First of all, congratulations on all the hard work you have done on putting aside your old fears and understanding that there is no reason to disinclude us and our families from the bigger holiday festivities. In fact, some of you overachievers have, perhaps, shot past the mark in your specific encouragement. And so, no matter how on board you are with the whole gay thing, we thought we should help you with a few gifting "don'ts" for this magical time of the year.

Hey, Bro!
Awesome gift certificate you stuffed in my stocking this year. Lord knows we all love chickin. Just checking, though, you do remember I'm vegetarian, right? And yeah, sorry about taking the Lord's name in vain.
Thanks,
Buddy

Dear Uncle Ernie,
How nice of you to share with me a film that brought you so much joy and laughter. Everyone loves a good gay joke, huh? I laughed at this just as much as I did last year when you gave me your used DVD of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.
Best regards,
Leon

Dear Aunt Ida,
First of all I want to thank you for finding something so specific for me for Christmas this year. Then I must ask: Where in God's name did you find this? I mean, all the pieces are there and the board is in perfect condition! And how very amusing it is to be playing Monopoly with $3 bills. When Ben and I tried it out last night I got the Camp Card that required me to say "Fabulous" six different ways. All the gay stereotypes are a fun reminder of the past, and now I know what the hanky code is.
Much love,
Steve

Dearest Cousin Ernestine,
Wow! Rainbow feather earrings! They are soooo ... '80s. And what a great coincidence as I was just thinking how nice my hair looked in that mullet 30 years ago.
Love,
Marcie

Dear Dad,
Thanks for the great T-shirt. It has a rainbow on it! Good job. But just so you know, "No gag reflex" doesn't have anything to do with telling jokes. It's something else entirely. I'm pretty sure you don't want to know.
Love,
Manuel

Dear Mom,
It's so touching that you still buy me underwear even though I am 48. That you thoughtfully chose to give me underpants festooned with that cheerful rainbow just goes to show how far you have come since sending me to that conversion therapist when I was 16.
Warmly,
Connor

Hey, Jerry,
I just want to tell you how proud I am of you for letting me know that you accept me as your boss here at the company even though I am "a gay," as you say. And how fun that you picked my name for the Secret Santa gift exchange this year! The whole office, including all the folks who work for me, thought this was a laugh riot. Oh, and I made an appointment for you with Human Resources for late on Friday, just so you know.
Best wishes,
Mr. Edwards

Dear Sis,
Hah-hah. Does this mean you think I don't have abs? Just so you know, Sitch's ab secret is steroids.
Best,
Your dear brother

Dear Aunt Evelyn,
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you sent a gift to both me and my husband this year for the holidays. Marriage equality was hard won, so to receive this astonishing gift -- as a couple -- makes it all that much more meaningful. We have shown this wonderful gift to all our friends, and I have to say they are as appalled amazed as we are.
Your loving nephew,
Earl

Dearest Father,
You can't imagine my surprise when I opened this gift. But there may be some confusion. It is not a dog toy. Well, wait. Yes, in a way it is. I see our Great Dane, Queenie, is carrying it around in his mouth.
Queenie and I both thank you.
Your son,
Steve

Dear cousin Wayne,
Nobody likes fruitcake.
Ben