As the Democratic National Convention in Chicago buzzed with anticipation of Gov. Tim Walz’s acceptance speech, Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, the California couple whose legal battle against Proposition 8 restored same-sex marriage in the state, took a moment to speak with The Advocate from the United Center ahead of Wednesday’s DNC speeches. The couple, married by Vice President Kamala Harris in 2013 when she was California’s attorney general, shared their thoughts on their friendship with the presidential nominee and the significance of her historic nomination, which she officially accepted Thursday.
Related: How pro-LGBTQ+ is Kamala Harris?
For Perry and Stier, the moment was deeply personal. Their connection to Harris extends beyond politics, rooted in years of shared advocacy and a deep friendship. The couple first met Harris when she was the district attorney of San Francisco.
“Kamala Harris is a champion for the people, and she has been for the past 30 years,” Stier said, recalling how they knew her from their work in Alameda County, where she was a deputy DA before becoming San Franciso DA.
“Kris and I both worked in human services, and we knew Kamala Harris was somebody working for the DA. And then we saw her rise to San Francisco to be the DA and then the attorney general, where she refused to defend Proposition 8, which, of course, helped lead to the overturning of Proposition 8.”
Prop. 8 was a ballot measure that passed in 2008, which outlawed same-sex marriages. It was overturned in 2013.
Their friendship with Harris deepened when she officiated their wedding in 2013, just an hour after the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the stay on same-sex marriages in California. It was a moment of joy and history, marking California’s first legal same-sex marriage after the ban was lifted.
“We had the great privilege of being married by her,” Stier said with a smile. “I can’t imagine anything better, and we’re just thrilled to be here and proud of her.”
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As Perry and Stier reflected on Harris’s journey from a local prosecutor to the brink of making history as the Democratic presidential nominee, they expressed pride and hope. “We are just beyond excited,” Perry said. “It’s really quite thrilling to be together with all of these supporters across the country, across multiple issues, multiple generations, multiracial. I think it’s like we’ve come home to be together and celebrate the next step for Kamala Harris. It’s absolutely fantastic.”
The couple also shared personal anecdotes highlighting Harris’s warmth and genuine care for those she considers friends.
Perry and Stier described Harris as someone who always makes time for the people she cares about, despite her busy schedule. “From the minute we met her, we felt like we were friends,” Perry said. “She looks right in your eyes, she smiles, she remembers your connection, she remembers your kids. She asks how everybody is. She’s just incredibly kind and thoughtful and focused.”
One of their most cherished memories with Harris is from the 2019 San Francisco Pride Parade, where they had the opportunity to ride with her as she made her way down Market Street. “We drove her down Market Street for the San Francisco Pride Parade, and she was mobbed the entire time,” Perry recalled. “She was wearing that amazing Levi jacket that had the rainbow sequins. And she was running for president at that time. And it was still like we were together in the car, just driving down the street; it just felt great.”
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Stier laughed, “She was jumping out of the car, racing off...we were like, let’s be careful driving. And we don’t want her to get hurt because she’s so enthusiastic. After all, she literally was leaping in and out of the car as we were driving along Market Street.”
Their relationship with Harris is also intertwined with their family, particularly their son, Spencer, who has worked for Harris in various capacities. “The kid that she asks about is our son, Spencer, who worked for her both in her Senate office and actually when she was AG and running, so on three different tours of duty,” Perry shared. “And so he is so moved and proud of her, and I feel this mutual respect and kindness from her towards him.”
Stier added that she also gives their son advice like "any good surrogate parent or auntie."
"So when Spencer was getting ready to take the bar, she said this is how you should study. And then Doug was standing right next to her saying but also do this other thing. So he was getting a little bit of advice from both of them, and they were conflicting. That’s just who they are.”
As they prepared to watch their story take center stage in a video presentation during Wednesday evening’s program, Perry and Stier reflected on the broader significance of this moment for the LGBTQ+ community. “We hope that when other families see us there, they know that we’re there on behalf of them,” Stier said. “Our family is an American family, and so is every other family out there. And so we hope everybody can feel that love and warm embrace from Kamala Harris that we have felt all these years.”
Intertwined with Harris’s rise, their story symbolizes the progress made and the hope for an even brighter future.
“We’re just so proud to be a part of this moment,” Perry said. “And we know that with Kamala Harris leading the way, we’re moving toward a future where everyone can feel the same sense of belonging and equality that we’ve fought so hard for.”
