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The New 60

The New 60

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Most Sundays, I can be found at table 60 at Hundred Acres Restaurant in SoHo. I have lived on an upper floor of its building for a while. I meant to stay a year or so between selling and buying spaces. To my surprise, this past summer, when a real estate deal collapsed, I was actually relieved: I love living here. The restaurant is a second home. My father had restaurants. Being on a first-name basis with the staff, having a regular table and known likes (club soda with lemon arrives without placing an order) feels like my childhood revived. I also enjoy mixing my friends. In larger homes I would entertain at home more: cocktails for 40 or dinner for 16. Now I use the restaurant as my "dining club."

Today we were six: a long-married couple, a gay couple who have been together in some form since they were teenagers in Kentucky, a divorced Turkish designer, and myself. As is often the case, some were acquainted, some had not met, and yet I trusted that the conversation would be lively: on life, the world situation, style and silliness. We are as likely to discuss a play, a sweater, the business climate in China, or yachting on the Turkish coast as the merits of the excellent brunch. Next week it'll be a different crew, some repeats, perhaps, a wild card or two.

Tomorrow night I am having dinner with my friend Joe, who turned 91 yesterday. On Friday, I spent time with a 24-year-old. Last night I had a date with a 43-year-old actor. Tonight I am seeing the final performance of The Scottsboro Boys on Broadway with my ex and his lover. To quote, once again, my friend Felicity: "I only add, I never subtract!" Friendship and romance and family can blend and intermix: all ages and backgrounds, the newly met and the lifelong-cherished In part, this is how I deal with being childless and single.

I also work as part of a community. Last Tuesday night I sat in a big group at Friends in Deed and marveled at the level of discourse -- the close to 40 men and women who had chosen to be there on a chilly December evening. Even though most of them were dealing with crisis in their lives, there was a sense of well-being, a sense of belonging, a sense of the shared journey. It is a privilege to be in the presence of such honesty and courage. It amazes me that I am invited into the internal journey of some these clients: Being a therapist is like going into the structure, the plot line, and working to facilitate new patterns, passages, and potential outcomes. Working within the mystery, we attempt transformation, often successfully. Wow!

I write a lot about luck and fortune. Fortune, as a wise friend explained to me a couple of years ago, is different from luck. Fortune is when we take luck and apply it, put it to good use. I have been lucky, and I am fortunate. Having a full social and professional network requires both good fortune and effort. I invest in relationships because they sustain me, personally, professionally, and spiritually. Our lives reflect our choices. In order to compensate for the lack of my own children, and at present, a partner, I need to reach out, mingle, and create social opportunities that reflect my comfort levels and ambitions. I would rather give a party than attend one, so I like to host. I enjoy live performance, so I buy pairs of tickets and invite a friend. I accept invitations from friends and colleagues that reinforce our connection. Therefore, when I am overwhelmed or disappointed, I have people to turn to and they have me.

I am fortunate to have created a life that is multidimensional, rich, and perfectly flawed. In the last column I was feeling at the mercy of the holidays. Today I am willing to celebrate life and the spark of love that illuminates it amidst the dark moments.

To luck, to love, to good fortune and joy. Happy New Year.

The Advocates with Sonia BaghdadyOut / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff & Wayne Brady

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Robert Levithan