8 Reasons to Open Your Queer Relationship
As a polyamorist, I constantly have to tell folks that polyamory isn't all about sex. Instead, I say it's about freedom and the ability to live life to the fullest. It's about creating a network of support. It's a way to remove pressure from a relationship, so one partner doesn't feel like they have to satisfy you in every way possible.
Then, I often have to justify being polyamorous, since many people don't see it as a valid relationship structure. I say things like, "Just how you love each of your sons equally; you can love each of your partners equally," and "Yes, polyamorous relationships can last forever, but even if they don't, that doesn't mean the relationship was a failure. Polyamorists don't define relationship success by longevity; rather, we define it by the quality of time spent with our loved ones."
This is all fine and dandy. Important stuff that is undoubtedly true. However, while polyamory isn't all about sex, it is largely about sex! Sex is absolutely one of the main reasons why I love being polyamorous. Come on, here! Polyamorous folks have better sex. Period. And here's why...
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1. Threesomes
There are certain sexual positions you simply cannot do with one person. I, for one, love being in the middle of a daisy chain (i.e., getting penetrated anally by one partner from behind while vaginally/anally penetrating another partner in front of me). Being the meat in the middle of that sandwich is my g*d**mn happy place and something I need multiple partners to pull off successfully.
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2. We tend to use more sex toys
I couldn't find any studies on the matter, but from personal experience, I can say that polyamorous folks are not only more open to using sex toys, they just do use more sex toys. Our drawers filled with dildos, prostate massagers, butt plugs, and Magic Wands are overflowing. Sex toys just make sex better. They do things that our hands, mouths, and genitals simply cannot.
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3. It's much easier to deal with discrepant sex drives
Are you much hornier than your partner? Well, polyamory helps with that. You don't have to bother your partner if they're not in the mood to have sex. Instead, you can reach out to one of your many other partners. If you're the less horny partner, polyamory is great for you because you don't have to feel guilty for not having as much sex with your partner as they would ideally like.
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4. Your partner brings home new sex tricks
As much as you may think you know everything about sex, you just don't. When your partner has sex with someone else, they may learn a new thing or two to bring back into the bedroom with you. It forever keeps your sex life new and fresh.
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5. You can find kink-compatible partners
Are you into some kinky, nasty s**t? Same! Luckily you can have a kink partner where you get the opportunity to explore those niche desires. They don't have to be with your primary or "nesting" partner.
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6. It can affirm your bisexuality
It's hard to have "bisexual sex." When I'm having sex with a muscle daddy, I don't think, "This is bisexual." I think, "This is some gay-ass sex." Similarly, when I have sex with a woman, I don't think of it as gay or bisexual sex. (It's not.) But when I get to have sex with men, women, and nonbinary people all at once? Yes, that is pretty damn bisexual and affirms the hell out of my sexual identity.
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7. You can host orgies with your partner(s)
Sure, you can host when single, but there's something different about hosting an orgy with your partner(s). It's more fun! Maybe because you have a co-host who can help out, or because it's an activity you're doing together -- whatever the reason is, it's just better.
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8. You can pick up folks as a couple
"We saw you from across the bar..." Jokes aside, there's something to be said about picking up a stranger as a couple. You and your partner working together to seduce someone? It's a bonding experience. Then as you look into each other's eyes as you have sex with the third? Even better!
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