Randy gets real

Tell me about filming that first scene of the series--the one that everyone always talks about, when Justin is having sex for the first time.
I've done sexual stuff before--onstage, which is even more emotionally difficult. With a [TV] crew around, you are stopping and starting; it becomes really technical.

It's not erotic at all.
No. When you watch it, you're like, Wow. I look like that. But it doesn't feel like that at all. It was about communicating with Gale [Harold] and getting across what I wanted to say about the character.

Do you ever get a script and say, "That doesn't ring true to my experience?"
The whole character of Justin and the club life he lives--I have no experience with it. It's really foreign to me, which is annoying, but that's just how it is.

How do you feel about your fans?
It makes me really happy. There are some crazy ones. I think the gay community is split: They either love [the show] or love to hate it. For me it's always the middle-aged women and teenage girls. It's nice to see that people in Middle America are really affected.

I imagine you must get a lot of mail from at-risk gay teens.
I do. I usually just write back and say, "Thank you." The stuff I get is not that severe like, "I'm going to kill myself." I do get a sense that seeing Justin can be a great comfort to a lot of people. They feel that they can stand up for what they feel and who they love.

Are there things that you can't do anymore because of your fame
I can't walk down the street with my head up. I'm not a hat wearer, but now I'm a hat wearer. I don't want to be the center of attention. My posture has changed. I walk with my head down and shoulders slumped. Suddenly I carry myself as if I'm ashamed of something.

Any unpleasant fan experiences?
Rarely, but it happens. It always weirds me out and makes me unhappy that some people think I'm Justin. I'm not. People can be talking to me and I know they think they are talking to Justin. It's hard to explain. It's a really subtle kind of thing. It makes me feel like Randy Harrison is not a human being to them.

Yet to many people, you're the face of young gay America. And you're certainly one of youngest out actors to appear on The Advocate's cover.
It makes me proud, and it makes me scared. More than anything, I want to be an actor and I want to keep working, and I think there's a danger in being perceived as a poster boy for something. While it's great to be an out actor, I never really had any goals of activism. All my goals are as an actor--to do different kinds of work. It's ironic too. Besides the fact that I sleep with men, I have very little sense of being part of the community of homosexual people, for whatever reason. I have a group of six friends, two of whom are gay. I associate the gay community with a subset of the gay community that I'm not a part of.

You mean the subset that's represented on Queer as Folk.
Yeah.

And you don't identify with that set.
I'm just not one. It's a clique that I've never been a part of. It's not like I identify them in a negative way. A lot of my friends are club people [laughs]. It's not me. It's funny to represent that, because it's not me. I don't fit into a gay club setting. It's just ironic that I represent that somehow.

So what do you feel when you see friends living out some of the issues your character is dealing with in the show--the drug use, casual sex?
I hope that they are finding satisfaction. I'm in no way making a judgment. I know it doesn't make me happy. [But] I wonder what kind of lives they will have built for themselves when they turn 45 and can't really have any connection with people because they are so used to fleeting sexual... I don't know, I don't know.

Do you think that the show is working toward an answer to that question?
I can't speak on behalf of the show. I'm not a creator; I'm just a pawn. I think the sense of community that exists with all the characters--that's the answer. The fact that they have found a family in their friends. It does give some depth and meaning to their lives. I don't know for Justin; he's always looking for meaning out of his relationships with people. I don't think he's as trapped into the drug thing as a lot of the others are.

Knowing what you know now, what would you advise your closeted actor friends?
I actually have more respect for people who are in the closet. You end up exposing so much of yourself because you have to talk about your sexual life. You shouldn't have to talk about it. I don't like people who lie. But if you don't talk about it, it's like you're too pussy to talk about it, which I didn't want to be. I would say, "Do it quickly and quietly at the beginning of your career."

I've read that you have been dating someone for three years.
I was. I'm not anymore. That ended a while ago.

Are you dating someone now?
I'm not going to talk about it.

You've got two more years left on your Queer as Folk contract. Would you sign on for more?
No. Not because I don't love the show; I want it to end and start building a career outside the show.

What do you see yourself doing after Queer as Folk?
I'm confident in my ability to maintain a career. I don't know if it will be doing either independent films or plays in New England. I sort have this image of myself sort of disappearing for a while and reemerging five to 10 years down the road again. We'll see.