More from Maher to his Big Gay Following

We loved your "New Rules" segment on same-sex marriage last March. How did your viewers respond? Any hate mail? Any marriage proposals?[Laughs] That's right. "No new gays." [Laughs] We grandfather in people who are already gay. You know what, that's part of my stage act also. One of the best ways to fight an issue that is ridiculous--and of course, it is ridiculous that gay people have to interrupt their lives to fight this battle--but one of the ways to fight something this silly is to be even sillier.Look, this is the country we live in. Someday the rest of the country will see it our way. The future is not with doctrinaire, theological, fundamentalist religion and loss of civil rights. The future is going to be with equal rights for all people and a rational spirituality.What the hell was wrong with former Wyoming U.S. senator Alan Simpson on the November 5 show following Election Day? I'm still confused: Was he mad that you were making jokes about the religious right, or gay people?[Laughs] You know what, I think he took a Zell Miller pill that day. I don't know. I like Senator Simpson, I always have. I've never seen an election where there were so many sore winners. So much finger-wagging at liberals: [In an angry voice] "See, don't you get it now!" No, we don't get it now--there's nothing to get. What I get [is] that there's about as many people in this country who think very differently [from] me [pause] than [think like] me. And [the Right] came out to vote more, yes. My kind of people are much more likely to have overslept the election because they were at a club last night. [Chuckling] But that doesn't make them worse people.And, by the way, the answer next time is not for Democrats to act more like Republicans, which they've tried now for two elections in a row, but to get some of the 79 million people who didn't vote. That's an awful big pool of potential liberal voters. If it was only 10 million, I would say, OK, let's do some more duck hunting and pretend we're Republicans. But 79 million people? Come on. Isn't it better to fish in that pond than to fish in the pond of the people who are never going to bite on your bait anyway?Moving on a little bit: Your colleague and compatriot Arianna Huffington is due to guest-star on The L Word. I know it's a rival network, but any chance you'll be popping up on Queer as Folk?[Laughs] Adam...you're bad. Well, you know what? I would consider it. It depends on the part. I must say, I would have a hard time if there was a scene that involved me kissing another man.I have to tell you, at the very end of my stand-up act, which I just did at Carnegie Hall [in December], the last part of it is about how I really relate to the gay issue because of the marijuana issue. Because what Democrats are saying to gay people--which is basically, "Oh, what do you care if it's just getting civil unions? It's basically the same thing as marriage--just shut up and take it!"--that's basically what people say to me about pot-smoking. They say, "Bill, what do you care so much if it's illegal? You can always step outside the restaurant after dinner, I've seen you do it a hundred times, and smoke your joint in the alley." And my answer to both of them is "Fuck you." You go outside after dinner and drink your brandy in the alley. You call whatever is going on under your roof a "civil union." Either we're all drinking from the same water fountain here, or we're not.I bring this up because, to me, the real meaning of tolerance is: Yes, you don't like something, but you still accept it. Now, I don't like even seeing men kiss, and I certainly don't think I could entertain doing a scene where I had to kiss a man. In that regard, I guess I have something in common with the right-wingers of the world. I have no interest in hairy-man-ass sex. But the difference is that I don't ask that my opinion be made into the law, you see [chuckling], that's the fundamental difference. And that's what tolerance means. It means, "OK, what you're doing is completely not my cup of tea, but please enjoy! Because you're another type of person, and I wouldn't want you to tell me that I can't do something that you don't find attractive or interesting or compelling."When people say "this is a great country"--yeah, it would be a great country if people lived like that. That's when it will be a great country. I'm awfully tired of all the, you know, "this is the greatest country." This has the potential to be the greatest country.In Los Angeles last year you played the devil in Hollywood Hell House [a send-up of Hell House, an antigay, fundamentalist Halloween fun house put on by churches nationwide]. What did you learn from being Satan?Well, you know, it was a part that was made for me. There's a big confrontation between Jesus and the devil. And I think what I learned is, Why are Jesus and the devil still fighting? All that shit that happened was so many years ago that went down between me and Jesus' dad. I said to him, "Look. We're all successful. We're all doing well." I actually said this to Andy Richter, who was playing Jesus: "Why are we still fighting? You know what? I'm happy where I am. I've got a great thing going on in hell. You have your thing with the Christians and heaven. Let's be friends!" That's what I learned. Let bygones be bygones.Who would make a better drag queen: Karl Rove or Condoleezza Rice?I guess I have to say Karl Rove, because anybody who is that antigay is protesting a little too much. The people like that usually are the ones who have something to hide and are doing something that's freaky. The biggest freaks, come on, are the ones who always try to push it back down.And Karl Rove does have a passing resemblance to J. Edgar Hoover.Yeah, you're right, he does. Perfect example of a freak who was pretending to be just the opposite. William Bennett--there's another one who must be burying little boys in his backyard.Well, we've touched on this earlier [clears throat]: You're a confirmed bachelor, so has--Well, I've been a bachelor this far in my life. I think people misinterpret that a lot, that I'm somehow hugely anti-marriage. But I've never shut the door and said it was impossible.Well, I was just wondering if anybody has tried to fix you up with their adorable gay brother?[Laughs] Nobody ever thinks [I'm gay]. I'm not good-looking enough. I just don't have it. That's one that works for me with women. There's a certain type of woman who in the modern day and age thinks that men have become too big of pussies. They want the old-school kind of guy. I think that's my vibe. We've all got to work our side of the street. We've got to work it, brother!Jon Stewart called Tucker Carlson a "dick" on Crossfire, and CNN's president agreed by firing Carlson in January. Do you agree that the chattering classes on TV are hurting America?Well, yeah. The media is hurting America, in general.What about Ann Coulter? Any chance of changing her medication?[Laughs] People will get mad at me for being friends with Ann Coulter. The only thing I can tell you is that, I swear to God, even the gayest group, the Fab Five guys, if they went out for drinks with Ann Coulter and you avoided the topic of politics, you'd love her. She's a great chick to just hang out with and smoke cigarettes and have drinks at a bar. But, you know, we know not to bring up any controversial political topics, like the Emancipation Proclamation.