Queens reigns

When I'm reborn, I want to come back as the heroine of a Spanish comedy like Reinas. Nobody has more fun than the characters in a Spanish comedy, especially the women!

Spanish comedies typically involve sex, dancing, crazy mixups, ultramodern decor, sex changes, sex with inlaws and sexy, outrageous fashions. It's not unusual for a character to wake up and discover that her gigolo lover may be her long-lost son, except it's really the gigolo's gay roommate she gave up, so she can divorce her husband, run off with the gigolo and send her gay son a postcard from Morocco. !Viva Espana!

Reinas fits squarely in that colorful, naughty Spanish comedy mode, with the gay sons front and center this time out. Reinas tells the fictional story of the first 10 gay couples to be legally wed in Spain, in a spectacle broadcast live on TV.

Spain legalized same-sex marriage while Reinas was in production in 2005, which makes you wonder: Would it help America to make Brokeback Mountain II: Cowboy Wedding . . . ? It couldn't hurt to have the stars of Reinas on our side. Reinas is Spanish for "queens," referring to the gorgeous gay grooms of the film, but even more so to their fabulous "queen" mothers. There's no question who rules this queendom: The boys are very pretty, but it's the women who command the throne.

Take Magda, the steely owner of a Madrid boutique hotel so edgy you could cut yourself just looking at it. Magda's was the first hotel in Spain to cater exclusively to lesbians and gay men, years before her son Miguel came out, and now the franchise is going global. Carmen Maura (a favorite actress of Oscar-winning gay director Pedro Almodovar) plays Magda as a delectably brittle ice queen, vulnerable in love but almost always in control. Even when her hotel's head chef goes on strike just days before the wedding, Magda blows off steam by having angry sex with said chef, labor strike and spouses at home be damned!

For a more sweet, seductive but equally potent queenly sighting, gaze upon heavenly diva Reyes (Marisa Paredes), mother and movie star, as she descends the stairs in slow motion to the tune of Peggy Lee's "Fever." Paredes, the star of Almodovar's All About My Mother, may be 60 years old, but that doesn't stop Reyes from slinking her way into the bed of her handsome younger gardener (Lluis Homar of Almodovar's Bad Education). Like mother, like son: Reyes's boy Rafa (Rau;l Jimenez) is engaged to the gardener's even-hunkier kid Jonas (Hugo Silva).

And on it goes. The frisky queen mothers indulge themselves with strangers on trains, their children's therapists, fellow queen mamas and even one of the gay grooms himself the night before the wedding. Same-sex marriage has opened up a whole new world of sexual temptations for Spanish comedies to explore.

As delicious as the dames are, the guys are even hotter, although they're less interesting when they open their mouths. Hotel heir Miguel (Unax Ugalde) and his masseur fiance, Oscar, (Daniel Hendler) make the sexiest pair, and also the stiffest. Miguel looks like a golden trophy with his chic, severe white-blonde hair and spa-smooth copper skin. Oscar is Miguel's beastly beautiful complement, a hairy god with hypnotic grey eyes. Unfortunately, they fight like an old married couple through most of the film, stopping only to have sex as an act of defiance against Oscar's meddlesome -- and adorable! -- mother, Ofelia (Betiana Blum). Oscar does a fierce stage dance to "Unchain My Heart" at the bachelor party, but otherwise, he and Miguel, along with their fellow gay grooms, are just straight men for the royal queen mums.

Europeans have always gone to sunny Spain for fantasy vacations, and now we can all enjoy a carefree Spanish fling with some of the world's most fabulous leading ladies, right in the comfort an air-conditioned local movie theater. Reinas is the perfect virtual honeymoon for queer moviegoers awaiting our own big gay wedding.