As The
Advocate was preparing its special report on
"covering"--the pressure to downplay our gay
identities in public--a New York taxi ride
turned into a upsetting covering incident for one of
our own. On the evening of October 2, Bob Cohen, president
of the magazine division of PlanetOut (our parent
company) boarded a cab at Newark international airport
along with his partner. On the way to Manhattan, the
couple were shocked when their cab driver angrily
demanded--in the midst of expressway
traffic--that they stop showing affection for
each other.
For Cohen, the
episode raised broader questions about covering. Do most
Advocate readers feel safer expressing
affection in public than they once did? Or has our visible
progress simply put us at greater risk of abuse by
those who resent it? "I think these incidents
may be on the upswing," Cohen said in an interview.
"I'd like to know what our readers
think."
The cab driver actually demanded that the two of
you stop showing affection? As we reached the Lincoln Tunnel, I leaned in
and gave my partner what I believed to be a very
chaste kiss on the cheek. The driver suddenly turned
around and yelled, "Please stop doing that. It's not
allowed in my taxi!" I couldn't believe what I
was hearing. "Excuse me?" I asked. He
answered, "I don't allow that kind of behavior in my
cab. It shows disrespect." Never did he
straight-out say "gay," but I strongly doubt
that if we were a straight couple he would have had an
issue--even though he claimed that didn't
matter.
What happened next? He slowed down in the middle of the expressway,
still ranting. I thought he was going to kick us out
of the cab. While he sped up again, I kept talking. At
this point my partner kicked me and motioned me to stop
agitating the driver--which I did. I sat back and
became silent, and we stopped touching. We finally got
home and I paid the cabbie. I didn't want this to
escalate to violence by skipping out on the fare. But I
didn't tip him.
What were you feeling during all this? Of course, I was angry and shocked--this
had never happened before, not to me, not to anyone
else I knew. I also felt shamed, like when you go to a
foreign country and you don't realize something is against
their local custom, like, "You can't wear white
on a Friday." Sadly, I felt like an abused
second-class citizen. I was being told that I couldn't act
out natural and normal acts. We were being asked to
modify our behavior because gay public displays of
affection make others uncomfortable. Who would think
that in the back of a cab, in a metropolitan area, in the
21st century, this would be happening?
Do you think that when you stopped being
affectionate, the cabbie "won"? No, he just reestablished control of the
environment. He may have won this skirmish, but it's a
long war we are fighting here for equality.
Do you think this incident has anything to do with
the fact that the driver hailed from the Caribbean,
which is not known for being especially gay-friendly? As a great-grandchild of immigrants, I do
celebrate diversity, but one of the consequences of
that is, clashing with people who come from more
traditional, homophobic societies. Of course we want to
respect them, but if they operate within our American
framework, they need to understand what society they
have entered.
Did you report what happened to the taxi and
limousine commission? We are in the process of making a complaint to
the Newark Taxi cab company. We don't want him to get
fired; we want him to get reeducated.
How widespread do you think this is? I think these incidents may be on the upswing.
I'd like to know what our readers think.
TELL US YOUR STORY: Have you ever been forced
to cover in a taxi--or in some other public
environment? In no more than 400 words, tell us
what happened. Be sure to include your name, age,
occupation, and city of residence. If we decide to publish
your story in the magazine, we will ask you to send us
a photo of yourself and your partner. Send your
submission to survey@advocate.com.