Essential gaming

Desperate Housewives: The Game

Start practicing your bitch slaps because the gals from Wisteria Lane have invaded your PC. Play as the new housewife on the block, ready-made with a perfect husband, a perfect house, and, of course a secret past. Customize the look of your family, your flower garden, your furniture, outfits--everything a micromanaging domestic diva could want. Interact with characters like Edie and Susan, who are ready to talk smack and steal your husband. Don't get bogged down by some of the more tedious minigames and focus on what's really important--turning your character into a sweet-on-the-outside, snarky megabitch on the inside who rules the lane with an iron fist.

WWE SmackDown

I'm not sure why so many straight guys love watching oiled-up musclemen in Speedos roll around on the floor together, but I know why I do. The newest game on the "sport"--WWE SmackDown for the Xbox 360--contains all those salacious tidbits that make wrestling so much fun. The game offers ultrarealistic character models of WWE stars: You can actually see the sweat dripping off them. I'm sure there are other features that actual wrestling fans are interested in, but I spent most of my time with the customization feature to make my wrestler just the way I like them--short, muscular, and hairy. It's like directing your own porn.

Destroy All Humans 2: Make War Not Love

Experience anal probing in a whole new way. Cryptosporidium, the homicidal Jack Nicholson-inspired alien is back wreaking havoc on Earth in an all-new sequel. This time he makes it into the 1960s, where free love, good herb, and a healthy dose of Russian arsenal are all that stand between you and complete world domination. Explore open worlds based on San Francisco, London, and Tokyo as you body-snatch victims, level whole buildings from your spaceship, and obtain psychic powers and earth-shattering weapons. A rockin' soundtrack and a dry sense of campy humor round out this solid sequel.