Three’s Company?

For Elvira, a.k.a. Cassandra Peterson, the time has come to pass the torch...er, wig. With over 25 years behind her as the big-busted, pun-busting, iconic Mistress of the Dark (born on a horror flick TV program in early '80s Los Angeles called Elvira's Movie Macabre), Peterson auditions potential proteges on the Fox Reality Channel series.

Assisting Peterson in her campy rigors is a pair of openly queer longtime professional Elvira impersonators -- Atlanta-raised Patterson Lundquist and Christian Greenia of Newport Beach, Calif. As evident in the first episode, a thoroughly zany round of freaks-and-goths-filled auditions in Long Beach, Calif., aboard The Queen Mary ship, their glue-on claws and catty quips aren't directed just toward the contestants -- they also trade barbs and attitude with each other. In fact, the duo got a little All About Eve on us during a spirited Q&A about the show:

So what should we know first and foremost about The Search for the Next Elvira?PL: Well, the biggest misconception is Elvira is picking her replacement. It's not a replacement -- you can't replace her. What she is getting is an understudy. Elvira gets invited to appear everywhere, and some don't pay what Elvira's worth. Now with The Next Elvira she can send out her little protege, her wannabe, to be in her stead, but not low-rent in the least bit. The goal is for the next Elvira to be a living, breathing, talking embodiment of Elvira -- it's just not Cassandra in the costume.

CG: I have a Halloween store in Orange County, and every year I beg her to do an autograph signing, and she says, "There's no way I'm going to a goddamned Halloween store!"

So she's kind of a character franchise, like Ronald McDonald or Santa Claus.CG: Kinda. Elvira is such a character, and it's like anybody can be Elvira if they do it right. At this point, 25 years later, she's such a character that Cassandra will dress up and someone will ask, "Are you the real one?" Sometimes they didn't give a shit if I was the real Elvira or not.

How do you two compare and contrast with each other on the show?CG: I'm supposed to be the voice that represents all the people out there who don't think it's possible to find another Elvira. I'm the ultracritical one, and boy, does that show. I swear to God, when Elvira and Patterson are going 'She's OK,' I'm going, 'No, it sucks, it sucks, you know it sucks, no, no way.'

That criticism extended to Patterson as well, I noticed.CG: Oh, God, yeah. It's more of me telling him to shut the fuck up. He'll get on his soapbox about one thing, and it'll usually be about the most ridiculous nonissue. You go, "Shut up, it's so non-important." He just annoys me. He could say the moon is blue and it would annoy me at this point because it's Patterson. Even if he wasn't an Elvira drag queen -- personality conflict all the way. He tries really hard to be nice, but I hate to see people try so hard.

Sounds like three's a crowd when it comes to Elviras!PL: Contrary to what Chris may tell you, when I'm not on set I'm rarely a chatty person, and after having gone through high school being made fun of and beat down constantly, I am not the type of person who makes fun or pokes the ribs or jabs or is catty toward other people. But on the set he was just a nasty bitch every chance he got. You know the line you're not supposed to cross? Well, Christian just does a belly flop right over it, and there are moments when you're just like, "Oh, my God, Christian, just be quiet!"

Did Cassandra attempt to do peacemaking, or was she tickled by the friction?CG: She would roll her eyes and say, 'Here we go!' I think she secretly loves it. She knows how much I don't care for that guy. I didn't meet him face-to-face until first day of shooting on The Queen Mary. I had seen him on the Internet over the past six or seven years. I had a Web site featuring me as Elvira, and he e-mailed me with a hissy fit and all this queeny drama. So to be totally honest, I think they brought him on because I said I'll take anybody [as co-judge] but Patterson...they thought it would be hysterical to have that little extra conflict. When the producers told me I said, "You guys suck."

PL: The only time he was polite was off camera, and that was like a refreshing break from the bitch storm.

What something special does a male Elvira bring to the equation?CG: I have always said it takes a man to make a woman look like a woman. Guys, especially gay men and drag queens, seem to have the knack for it. I don't know why they do it better, but a drag queen just has a better sense of it -- especially Elvira, who is just a drag queen anyway. The girls didn't really get it, the attitude; the guy was the only one who got it spot-on.

So how did the male contestants fare?PL: Some looked pretty good. And some that...wow, another planet I think.

CG: Initially, only one, actually, was good enough to be on the show. A couple that showed up were tragic! I was almost embarrassed for them! They gave it the old college try, an A for effort. But even the guy who made it on the show looked like Tracy Turnblad's father in Elvira drag. Pretty scary!

Were any of the female contestants hot?CG: Sure. They all sort of look like they stepped out of a pinup calendar. One of the girls I think was a Suicide Girl. Nice dimensions -- I don't think they will disappoint.

There was also quite a bit of ethnic diversity among the contestants.PL: Cassandra jokes about having the multicultural Elviras. An African-American and Latina and Asian Elvira. One was Romanian and she spoke Italian. Elvira actually speaks a multitude of language, but her most prolific is Italian because she lived there in the 1970s. She reads Latin too!

For the sake of diversity, would you like to see her even pursue a differently abled or Down syndrome Elvira?CG: I would slap the tits right off her chest if she had a Down syndrome Elvira because there is just nothing funny about that for me at all. That would be awful. I think the furthest that I would be cool with would be a midget Elvira. That would be pretty funny.

You both have made some high-profile appearances as Elvira impersonators over the years. Any memorable experiences to share, perhaps as cautionary tales for the show's winner?CG: I went to Greensboro, N.C., under the impression I was being hired as an Elvira look-alike for a haunted house. And I got there, and the woman who hired me was the town councilwoman and had told everybody in town the real Elvira was coming. And I think she did that to win points because she was up for election. I got to the airport, and she tells me if I want my plane ticket home I had better be the real Elvira if anyone asks! The limousine came, the mayor came with the key to the city, I did a radio show. It was un-fucking-believable. I sat there signing things people had for years, ruining everybody's memorabilia with my signature, which fortunately looks like the real Elvira's.

PL: I had a gig at the Hollywood Wax Museum and broke my heel on Hollywood Boulevard. Luckily, it was my left shoe, which was underneath the dress, so I kind of had to do an Elvira tent stretch for like an hour and a half, and next thing I know I'm getting mobbed for photos. There was this one guy who was like, "I want a picture with Elvira," and there was this girl who was like, "I want a picture next to her boobs," and then they started arguing. It was ridiculous. I was like, OK, I'm not getting paid enough for this. Another one was going down a flight of steps at a private venue; it was a very long staircase and very narrow. I caught and broke my heel and flew down the staircase with my legs spread.