Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau: Together for All the Steps
| 07/27/18
Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau: Together for All the Steps
Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau first met in 1993. They were in West Hollywood, outside a 12-step meeting. A mutual friend would give Hogan a phone number so he could call Bruneau. It wasn't long before their first date on August 3. Ever since, they've been a couple, and they've been "active, sober, 12-step members throughout." This is the story of their life together in photos, complete with the ups and downs.
1993, West Hollywood: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
This photo was taken only a few months after that first date, which was at Don Corleone's restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. From there, the budding couple took "a leisurely stroll around the block." It must have been a good stroll.
1994, Los Angeles: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Here they are at the Hollywood Bowl. This August will mark 25 years together, and though that's a reason for celebration, the couple has a note of warning. "While what you see here makes it look like we're always happy (we're not) and incredibly privileged (we are), these snapshots don't show the many trials and hardships any person or couple faces."
1996, Los Angeles: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Here they are hanging out as a family on their deck at home, smiling again, this time with their new puppy, Meg, and with Buddy. Even now, they live in the Hollywood Hills with the newest member of the family, an Aussie-Airedale mix named Saffie, and with that beloved friend and housemate, Jeffrey, who first introduced them 25 years ago.
2000, Hawaii: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
For their first big vacation, the couple headed to Hawaii. It was Hogan's 40th birthday, and his parents joined the first week of the two-week trip. Bruneau was in the middle of preparing for a three-day walk for breast cancer with his sister (who is a survivor), stretching from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles, so they remember hiking deep into the Waipi'o Valley on the Big Island. "The black sand beach, the waterfalls and the rainbows were incredible," they recall.
2002, France: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
Here they are at the Louvre during a trip to France in 2002. More smiles. The serodiscordant couple, meanwhile, had navigated life together before antiretrovirals and PrEP made life less complex. When they met, Bruneau had already lost two lovers to AIDS. "The dark joke between us was that Joe said he'd only be alive for maybe five years and yet it's been 25," says Bruneau.
2003, London: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Here they are looking cute on the London Eye. The two men would fall in love with this city. "The nightlife, the theatre, friends that live there," they wax on about London, saying they've "tried to visit as often as we can afford it."
2008, London: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Did we mention the shopping? Here they are back in London years later, checking out the Harrod's department store.
2012, Rome: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
Bruneau had spent a year in Rome during his sophomore year of college, which meant he spoke "some" Italian. During this multi-city trip, "we covered a lot of ground, including every church and ruin in sight," they remember.
2012, Venice: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
In Venice came "one of the most memorable nights," which was also "one of the simplest." They had dinner at a little restaurant, sitting at a table directly next to a canal. "It was a warm, summer night with people crossing back and forth over the bridge on the way to the Guggenheim," they remember. "We feasted on pasta and risotto. It was picture perfect and incredibly romantic."
2012, Florence: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Oh, heck, how about one more from that trip? Here they are in Florence.
2013, Anaheim, Ca.: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
It's never too late for Disneyland. The happiest place on earth! But let's reiterate that happiness over the decades comes with ups and downs. "We've watched friends get sick, parents and siblings die, we've grieved the loss of beloved pets, had best friend couples divorce, suffered our own near marriage collapse, along with the usual worries about money, health, and who's going to take out the proverbial trash," they said. "Yet through all of this, we also try to see the good in the other person, to remember what first brought us together and hold true the deep love we share."
2014, Los Angeles: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
Here is that fateful time when they began working out as a couple, doing Cross-fit. Before that, they'd worked out separately "but not with much gusto." The got a trainer, which led to a TRX/Kettlebell class at a small gym. Bruneau gets credit for starting first, and his "great results" got Hogan interested.
2014, California: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
Maybe it was the Crossfit, maybe something else. But the couple got their very first professional photo session, with photographer Stephen Blaha, in 2014.
2014, Ralph Bruneau, Santa Patrick, and Joe Hogan
In a slightly more candid photo, here they are at a drug recovery fundraiser with "Santa Patrick."
2015, London: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
This time in London, the couple got a photo by Vincent Keith. Hogan has some advice to his younger self on how to make it to this day. "I'd say to only work on changing oneself rather than on trying to change your partner. Taking his inventory never works!" says Hogan. "Also, keep in mind you might have different ways of communicating, but you both want the same thing -- love and respect."
2015, London: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
The couple now enjoys exploring the leather bar scene, and when in London, it's worth a visit to The Hoist. The first leather scene as a couple came more than a decade ago, "but it wasn't really Joe's thing at the time." Things sure have changed.
2017, Los Angeles, Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
Bruneau joined Avatar, a Southern California leather and BDSM organization, a few years ago. And he actually won the International Mr. Leather contest in 2017, when they took this photo during Los Angeles Pride.
2017, San Francisco: Joe Hogan and Ralph Bruneau
The reigning International Mr. Leather also took a trip to San Francisco Pride that year. Hogan remembers when his husband first got the idea to compete. "Ralph was at the naturist's camp he attends each August in the Poconos," he remembers of that time at Gay Naturists International, "and called to ask what I thought about him running for Mr. GNI Leather." The winner of that title would go on to compete in Chicago at IML. "I said 'Go for it, as long as you're OK if you don't win.' And look what came out of that!"
2017, Los Angeles: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
This photo was part of a fundraiser Calendar shoot for "Being Alive." Hogan remembers the nine months as Mr. GNI Leather as "probably harder on the relationship than after Ralph won IML because of the amount of attention he started to get." Suddenly, he was more visible on social media and in clubs. "There was definitely an adjustment period," says Hogan, "and it was sometimes bumpy."
2018, Los Angeles: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
This photo was taken at a bittersweet time, after Hogan's leg was amputated because of medical issues. Meanwhile, Bruneau was in his year as International Mr. Leather, traveling over 118,000 miles and gone for many weekends. "We got into a routine where it just worked out," they say. Hogan says he joined Bruneau in Berlin and Palm Springs, "but I was also dealing with leg issues during much of his year. Jealousy certainly has raised its ugly head a few times, but overall it's been a good way for us to grow as a couple."
2018, London: Ralph Bruneau and Joe Hogan
This photo, another by Vincent Keith, is called "True Love." Today Bruneau is 65 and Hogan is 57. There remains more trips to take and more to see in the world. When Hogan's leg got worse, it led to a canceled trip together to Belgium. "I'm looking forward to going this year to have the trip we'd planned," says Bruneau. "The way it should have been will be the way it will be -- only better."
