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"I just convinced myself that this part of me would feel less like an invitation to know me better and more like a burden they had to endure," Brar said of his coming out.
Former Disney star Karan Brar has come out as bisexual in an emotional and stirring essay for Teen Vogue about mental health and asking for help.
In the essay, Brar talks about moving out of his parents’ place – something that was difficult for him as an Indian-American – and how that ultimately led to him coming out to friends.
Brar’s first starring role was as Indian middle schooler Chirag Gupta in Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the next two installments of the franchise, Rodrick Rules and Dog Days.
In 2011, he joined the Disney Channel in the role of 10-year-old Indian adoptee Ravi Ross on the show Jessie, which also starred Debby Ryan, Peyton List, Cameron Boyce, and Skai Jackson. He also starred as Ravi in the spin-off of that show, Bunk’d.
More recently, he’s been doing a lot of voice work, including playing Prince Veer in the Disney Junior cartoon Mira, Royal Detective, and voicing Sanjay “Jay” Tawde, a new version of Jason Todd, in the DC Elseworlds animated movie Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham.
In 2019, Brar moved in with his fellow Disney actors Cameron Boyce and Sophie Reynolds, and says in the essay he was able to stop compartmentalizing “public Karan and private Karan.”
He recalls a night he was drunk and he came out as bisexual to his roommates, fearing that it would forever change how they saw him.
“The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted it. I could barely see straight, but I ended up trying to do some damage control anyway,” he wrote. Brar then offered to move out, but said his roommates “interrupted me by hugging me from behind. Again, I told them I should move out. They told me I was being stupid. I told them I’d cover for them if people asked why we didn’t live together anymore. They said to shut the fuck up. I told them that they probably hated me. They said my bisexuality changed nothing for them.”
“They were both shocked when I came out, not because of my sexual identity, but because I genuinely thought they would want nothing to do with me after I told them,” he continued. “Today I can understand how absurd that was — Soph and Cam had been my best friends for years and loved me every step of the way. Why in the world would they stop then? I think I just convinced myself that this part of me would feel less like an invitation to know me better and more like a burden they had to endure.”
Unfortunately, Boyce died shortly after due to complications from epilepsy. Brar said his friend’s death and other life stressors started to take their toll on him, and soon he was suicidal. Thankfully, he was able to admit himself into an inpatient treatment center.
Now, three years later, Brar says he’s doing much better.
“While in treatment, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Major Depressive Disorder,” he said. “It’s been ages since I’ve experienced a PTSD symptom, so much so that I don’t think I even meet the criteria for the diagnosis anymore. My depression has been in remission for some time, and with the help of my medication, I’m finding my emotions to be much more manageable. I’m no longer drowning in the grief of losing Cameron. Rather, I’m in acceptance of grief being an ever changing experience I just have to see through.”
This article was originally published on Out.
If you have or are contemplating suicide, please know there is a well of support out there to help. Call, text, or chat 988 for The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (can be reached 24 hours a day by people of all backgrounds). You can also call the number 1-800-273-8255. If you are a trans or gender-nonconforming person considering suicide, the Trans Lifeline can be reached at (877) 565-8860. The Trevor Project is the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ youth (ages 24 and younger). Trained counselors at the Trevor Project Lifeline can be reached 24/7 at (866) 488-7386, by texting START to 678678, or via the TrevorChat instant messaging service at TheTrevorProject.org/Help.
