17 Ways the Conservative Dating App The Right Stuff Is the Wrong Stuff

Conservative Dating App The Right Stuff is All Sorts of Wrong

Scruff, Tinder, and Grindr are no longer relevant. If you're a beef-eating, pickup-truck driving, conservative man's man, or a plastic lady who laughs in the face of those who would consider using pronouns in their profile, you're in the right place. The Right Stuff is a new dating app that Republicans have launched, and it appears to be a sausage fest in addition to the fact that it doesn't seem to work. Maybe it's even an FBI honeypot, some users posit.

If you're a lib, there are tons of schadenfreude opportunities to be had. Just glance at the reviews for this hot new app, which is backed by right-wing billionaire and PayPal cofounder Peter Thiel, who is gay. Oh, and we must mention that former Trump White House press secretary (and proven alternative-facts slinger) Kayleigh McEnany's younger sister Ryann McEnany is the app's official spokesperson, so there's that.

Now you know all you need to know, so check out these Apple App Store reviews.

Oh no... Not Twitter noticing

It was going to be a bad day for the folks over at the Right Stuff app headquarters when Twitter users began to take notice of the app's shortcomings.

Always Socialsim

Yikes! That socialism creeps into everything these days, doesn't it?

Bro, No Women Here!

A minimum requirement for a conservative dating app would seem to be having both men and women (nobody who identifies outside that binary) eagerly using the app. But it looks like there are a ton of dudes and no ladies.

Owning the Libs

Some major mental gymnastics going on here with the theory that because liberals lack human decency, the Right Stuff app has to filter them out by requiring an invitation. Three stars, though, despite being condescended to? Too kind.

No Shoes. No Shirt. No Girls!

What could women possibly want that makes them shy away from an app that caters to insurrectionists?

It's Super Special Exclusive VIP... We Promise!

Hey, the best things in life require an invitation, right? Maybe this will keep out all the liberal riffraff. Or maybe this is so exclusive that only a few people can access the app. Super special.

Trash in, Trash out.

Astute observation here. As with most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it, and with the Right Stuff app, the input is pretty lacking and so the output closely tracks.

That's correct!

These days everything is an echo chamber. Any app that gives you an option to define what January 6 was is probably attractive for the wrong crowd.

Keep Those Registrations Current!

Gurl, yes -- protect yourself! Chances are that the Venn diagram of one's local sex offender registry and the Right Stuff app is a circle.

A master bait-and-switch?

Those who consider themselves patriots and support the insurrection should definitely download and sign up for Right Stuff if it guarantees a visit from the FBI later in the day.

It's the Deep State!

Bro, scroll past the app. They're gonna get ya!

Who Wants Kids?

When homophobes list their reasoning behind their belief that homosexuality is unnatural, they say it's because two men or two women "can't reproduce." So obviously, before even having said hello, it makes perfect sense to disclose how many offspring are in your opening bid.

Um, Yeah... Privacy, Please!

Since anything that can remotely deal with sex is taboo to the ultra-MAGA conservatives, obviously these apps should be used in secrecy, and an invite defeats that purpose doesn't it?

Same!

Some users couldn't help but troll the reviews, and honestly, we don't blame them.

Honesty Is the BEST Policy!

One should always answer all questions honestly, particularly ones that revolve around the insurrection.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

When the paranoia sets in and the fear of FBI busts starts to spread, chances are the app is no good for you.

Can I Get an Invitation?

What's a person gotta do around here to get invited to use the Right Stuff app?