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Coming out is, for most gays and lesbians, both a struggle and a tremendous relief. Finding the courage to reveal who we really are in the face of an unfriendly world often takes many years and usually begins with self-acceptance. These 25 people have taken a variety of paths, but they all reached a similar end: happiness
Kahu Donald Schmidt Age: 46 Residence: Lahaina, Hawaii Occupation: Minister
On coming out: I have been openly gay for many years, but recently I took another big step out. My husband and I announced our Canadian marriage to our congregation--and they clapped! I am a minister in the United Church of Christ, and while the UCC is known for being liberal, the Hawaiian churches are often conservative. My congregation had come to know and love me as their kahu (minister), but I wondered how they would deal with this next piece of news. There have been some rough spots, but for the most part they have opened their hearts. I don't want to be a poster child for gay marriage, but just another minister trying to do my best for my church and the community, with my husband by my side.
David Snead Age: 40 Residence: Washington, D.C. Occupation: Internet attorney
On coming out: I came out to the people I know on National Coming Out Day last year. I get asked a lot why I did it. It's a fair question. Initially I had a laundry list of external reasons: to allow my ex-wife to get on with her life, to give my daughter a father who isn't constantly in pain, etc. But as the one-year anniversary of being out comes up, I've come to realize that I came out for me. I came out because I needed to be true to who I am, and because being "in" was contrary to everything good I'd learned from my wife, parents, sibling, in-laws, and daughter.
Laurie Bell
Age: 46 Residence: Toronto Occupation: Clinical psychologist
On coming out: My teenage son asked me recently what I did to fight for freedom when I was young. I told him the first queer experience I had was going down a dark alley to an unmarked doorway leading to an underground lesbian bar. Later I challenged my Catholic church, and eventually left it to become a queer activist. Now I am surrounded by the love of family and friends. You don't get from there to here without all of us working for freedom. I pulled out his scrapbook and showed him the leaflets and news articles of our movement. My appearance in The Advocate is a welcome addition to his scrapbook, so that when his child asks him what he has done for freedom, he'll know where his own struggles are rooted.
Danyelle Thompson Age: 26 Residence: Grand Rapids, Mich. Occupation: Graduate assistant in housing and residence life
On coming out: I came out to my friends in college, but I had not yet come out to my very Catholic parents when I brought home a gay male friend for Thanksgiving a few years ago. Afterward my mother asked me via AOL Instant Messenger if my friend was interested in me. I replied that he was not interested in women. She replied, "Oh, you mean the way you are?" I replied, "Yes," and then immediately called her. Yep, I came out to my mom on Instant Messenger. We didn't talk about it for about a year after that, but now she is completely fine with it. I told my older brother this past Thanksgiving, but have not yet told my father. I know that coming out will be a lifelong process, but with the support of my family and friends, I know I will be fine.
Kyle Miller Age: 30 Residence: Columbus, Ohio Occupation: Teacher
On coming out: I have been out to family and friends for a few years now, but I don't really consider myself out. I am an elementary school teacher, and as far as my students and colleagues have been concerned I am single, even though my partner, Matt, and I have been together for five years. I was single at the staff holiday party. I was single at the school family night. And I was single at the after-school happy hours. But no more. Over the last year, I have come out to a couple of my students' parents and to one close colleague. I came to see that they feel exactly as I feel--that being gay is secondary. They primarily care that I do the best job at educating and developing their children.
Christina Lynn Ray Age: 32 Residence: Port Chester, N.Y. Occupation: Writer, artist, teacher
On coming out: Being a Southern girl raised in the Bible Belt, I felt the guilt I suppose a lot of lesbians feel. I felt like I was a mistake, that God had somehow made a flaw and I was it. My parents didn't talk to me for four months after I came out. They still think that being a lesbian is a choice and that I am going against the Bible. I still feel some guilt over this. But I don't think being a lesbian is a choice. I think that God made all of us, and if we were all the same, what would be the point of our existence?
