13 totally strange Bible verses homophobes love to hate
01/20/16
trudestress
The Bible tells me so, or does it?
Homophobic Christians look to the scriptures to find a higher justification for their hate and violence, and the Bible does not disappoint. There are plenty of homophobic Bible verses and homophobic Bible quotes and passages affirming their beliefs.
One of these occurs in Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament. The towns of Sodom and Gomorrah suffered a violent and fiery end, due to the inhabitants’ penchant for gay sex, gang rape, and lustful inhospitality towards male visitors among other ancient faux pas.
“Where are the men who came to you tonight?” the male citizenry of the towns, old and young, called out to the goodly Lot in Genesis, chapter 19, verse 5 (Genesis 19:5). “Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”
The Old Testament book of Leviticus – to believers, the set of rules sent by God to Moses and the Israelites after their escape from slavery in Egypt and before entering the Promised Land, better known as the Exodus – takes an equally murderous view of gay sex with perhaps these most homophobic verses in the Bible.
"If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads" (Leviticus 20:13).
But the people who cite these verses fail to mention Bible verses against homophobia, most notably the admonition to “love thy neighbor as thyself” (Leviticus 19:18 and Matthew 22:39).
They also seldom mention that the Bible also prohibits the eating of bacon and shellfish or the wearing of blended fabrics, condones slavery, mandates the death penalty for wizardry (take that, Harry Potter), and orders men to marry their brother's widow or risk losing a shoe.
Read on for some of the whacky verses from the Bible that homophobes and bigots love to ignore. For sake of consistency, we will use the New International Version for quotations.
Pork: It’s not what’s for dinner
“And the pig, though it has a divided hoof, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.” (Leviticus 11:7–8)
Leviticus also bans eating shellfish, camels, rabbits, and a rodent-like mammal known as a hyrax among others.
Observant Jews and Muslims prohibit eating pork in their laws regarding food preparation and consumption (Kosher and Halal, respectively), but atheists, agnostics, and people of all faiths often avoid red meat or any meat at all for either health or ethical reasons.
Most scholars and many followers now believe the prohibition likely arose for health, sanitation, and environmental reasons, but the rule is still on the books, so to speak.
We suspect there are a lot of right-wing Christians who attend Sunday morning service after having scarfed down bacon, ham, and/or pork sausage at breakfast, or who enjoy lobster, shrimp cocktails or scampi, a traditional glazed ham at Easter, and maybe even the occasional hyrax or two.
Death to David Duke, Gandalf, and the Good Witch Glinda
“A man or woman who is a medium or a wizard shall be put to death; they shall be stoned with stones, their blood shall be upon them,” says Leviticus 20:27.
David Duke (pictured), a politician, activist, former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, and all-around racist had better watch out.
So, too, should Dumbledore, Harry and the gang at Hogwarts. And since witches are female-identifying wizards, Hermoine, Professor McGonagall, and the Wizard of Oz’s Good Witch Glinda should get stoned as well. As should most of the characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, The Craft, The Witches of Eastwick, three generations of women in the classic television show Bewitched, and even Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
No endless shrimp buffet for you
“But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. And since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat; you must regard their carcasses as unclean. Anything living in the water that does not have fins and scales is to be regarded as unclean by you.” (Leviticus 11:10-12)
It sounds like God has a thing against shrimp, crab, and lobster. Has God never heard of Red Lobster or all-you-can-eat seafood and sushi bars, of jumbo shrimp cocktails or oysters on the half-shell?
Leave it to Leviticus to take all the fun out of food.
Bankrupt your barber
“Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” (Leviticus 19:27)
So much for the high and tight hairstyle favored by many young men on the right, and most Christian men no longer abide by the Biblical beard dictate with some notable exceptions.
Take, for instance, the barnstorming Israelite House of David baseball teams of the 1920s and ‘30s which were known for their long hair and untrimmed beards. They also sponsored teams for girls and boys (without beards, we assume). Israelite House of David even had superstars of the era like Grover Cleveland Alexander and Satchel Paige making appearances, albeit in obviously fake beards.
And we’re not sure of their religious beliefs, but the rock bank ZZ Top did make foot-long beards popular during the 1980s and ‘90s.
Barefoot, pregnant, and silent?
“Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” (1 Corinthians 14:35-35)
While 1 Corinthians is generally accepted by scholars as one of the seven “genuine” letters written by Paul to various churches (along with Galatians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Corinthians, Romans, Philippians, and Philemon), Biblical scholars like Bart Erhman and others question the authenticity of these verses.
Still, there are some Christian churches that still don't permit women to be clergy members. But we haven't noticed anyone using the former verses to shut down the antigay rants of Marjorie Taylor Green, Nancy Mace, and the rest of their ilk.
Marry your brother’s widow, or risk becoming the Family of the Unsandaled. Or not?
“If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel. However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, ‘My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.’ Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, ‘I do not want to marry her,’ his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.” (Deuteronomy 25:5-10)
Since Israelite men of this period practiced polygamy (both Abraham and Moses had multiple wives), accepting the wife of his deceased brother with whom he was already cohabitating probably didn’t sound unreasonable for the time. But does this mean men must marry their late brother’s wife or risk walking barefoot the rest of our lives?
Henry VIII of England had a similar dilemma (referred to politely at the time as the King’s Great Matter) regarding his marriage to Catherine of Aragon, the wife of his late brother Authur (who died as a young teen), because two verses from an earlier chapter of Leviticus seem to give an entirely different edict on such marriages.
“Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife; that would dishonor your brother.” (Leviticus 18:16)
“‘If a man marries his brother’s wife, it is an act of impurity; he has dishonored his brother. They will be childless.” (Leviticus 20:21)
Color us confused.
Don’t worry Al Gore – ManBearPig is a sin
“Keep my decrees. ‘Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.” (Leviticus 19:19)
Leviticus keeps it coming with a ban on some modern agricultural practices and merino wool or cotton blends, although we should be thankful that the humanoid victims in The Island of Dr. Moureau and South Park’s ManBearPig are officially sinful and right out.
Non-profit food and interest-free loans
“If any of your fellow Israelites become poor and are unable to support themselves among you, help them as you would a foreigner and stranger, so they can continue to live among you. Do not take interest or any profit from them, but fear your God, so that they may continue to live among you. You must not lend them money at interest or sell them food at a profit.” (Leviticus 25:36-37)
Banks and credit card companies are not traditionally popular institutions, but charging interest is a sin? I suppose we wouldn’t immediately say no to a zero-interest mortgage, but color us skeptical.
And apparently farmers, grocers, and restaurants should provide food at cost. Pardon us while we make a reservation for our holiday celebration at the French Laundry now.
Die, adulterer, die! And leave that sheep alone
“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife– with the wife of his neighbor – both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.” (Leviticus 20:10)
At least Leviticus is evenhanded in its condemnation of gay and straight sex with anyone other than your opposite-sex spouse. And that includes if you are having sexual relations with your mom, stepmom, stepdaughter, sister, or an animal, or are married to a mother and daughter at the same time, because all of those are punishable by death as well.
People with disabilities? Unclean!
“No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. No descendant of Aaron the priest who has any defect is to come near to present the food offerings to the Lord. He has a defect; he must not come near to offer the food of his God. He may eat the most holy food of his God, as well as the holy food; yet because of his defect, he must not go near the curtain or approach the altar, and so desecrate my sanctuary. I am the Lord, who makes them holy.’” (Leviticus 21:18-23)
We’re not lawyers or lawmakers, but we are pretty sure this entire passage is in violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act and just about any other concept of basic human decency.
You can't pray the slavery away!
“Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.” (Leviticus 25:44-46)
Leave it to Leviticus to lower the boom on liberating human chattel, but even Paul gets into the act in the New Testament (albeit in a letter outside of the seven generally accepted as authentic by scholars).
“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” (Ephesians 6:6-7)
Not unsurprisingly, these two passages were favored by slaveowners of the American Confederacy and later proponents of Jim Crow laws to rationalize their subjugation of Black Americans.
Of course, both of these passages are technically unconstitutional in the U.S. since the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution in 1865, which outlawed slavery and freed all slaves.
When the swear jar is a big rock
“Then the Lord said to Moses: Take the blasphemer outside the camp. All those who heard him are to lay their hands on his head, and the entire assembly is to stone him. Say to the Israelites: ‘Anyone who curses their God will be held responsible; anyone who blasphemes the name of the Lord is to be put to death. The entire assembly must stone them. Whether foreigner or native-born, when they blaspheme the Name they are to be put to death.’’” (Leviticus 24:13-16)
Since using the Lord’s name in vain can be broadly defined as anything outside of a religious context, we are pretty sure everyone has run afoul of this rule.
Oh my God. We are SO dead.
Latest Stories
