21 Rimming Tips Everyone Should Know
Ass eating. Butt munching. Biting the peach. Rimming. Whatever you call it, it's a sex staple for the adventurous and less-squeamish among us who love playing in the backyard.
Everyone has a butt. This means everyone, regardless of gender, can receive a world-class rim job. I love getting my ass eaten and will gladly bend over for anyone. But I don't rim just anyone. I save my rim jobs for the guys I like the most -- the sexy, special men I want to please. We hold so much shame about our bodies and our butts that getting to that special place where you trust someone with your hole is awesome and intense -- and a great bit of foreplay for other forms of anal sex.
If you want to give your partner some butt love, this is for you. Click through for 21 ass-eating tips you need to know.
A word of warning from Alex Cheves
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend. Photo by Jon Dean.
1. Love butts.
You have to love butts -- or, more specifically, your special person's butt. You have to think it's the cutest, sexiest butt ever and want to make the person feel really good.
2. It’s a good idea for the recipient to clean their butt beforehand. (Yes, this means douching.)
Washing the outside of your butt is imperative. Even if you and your partner are fine with your butt being more natural (not douched), washing the outside makes the whole experience better. There may be small traces of toilet paper on your butt that may make the experience less enjoyable, so at the very least, hop in the shower beforehand and do a once-over with soap (unscented if your partner loves the natural smell of your skin).
3. If you choose to douche, take your time.
Most guys douche. It is simply more hygenic to douche before mouth-to-ass sex, as there are some health risks associated with rimming (see number 15).
Don't rush your douching regimen or you'll have to hop in the shower again for another clean, and when someone's mouth is at your butt and you're trying to relax, you don't want to accidentally release any trapped water still stuck up there -- water that may or may not be clear.
Douching is recommended for a long, nice rimming session -- which is a great precursor to other penetrative sex. And if you want a nice long session, you might need a nice long cleaning session before it.
Douche by holding water in your butt for a few seconds -- anywhere from six seconds to 15 seconds is the standard recommended time, although some people go longer -- before releasing it into the toilet or down the shower drain. You can do this with a squeezable bulb, a drugstore enema (just be sure to empty the liquid out and replace it with water first), or a shower hose attachment (most recommended).
4. Don’t overclean.
Overcleaning can mean cleaning too often (don't do it every day) or too vigorously (go gentle and easy) or putting too much water in your butt without releasing it. Overdouching can disrupt the delicate environment in your rectum and colon that your body needs to healthily process waste.
My pro tip: Never spend more than an hour getting ready for sex, and within that hour, take frequent breaks to massage your tummy/abdomen and make sure you release all the water. If it's taking too long with no end in sight, call it quits and go watch Netflix (or tell him to hop in the shower -- you're giving him a rim job tonight).
5. Don’t start rimming as soon as you’re finished douching.
It's wise to wait. Water may be trapped up there, and once you're lying down on your back or stomach, it may come out. That's why many people lie on their left sides: to release trapped douche water. You don't want to do that accidentally when his mouth is on your hole.
6. Diet really is everything.
Depending on who you ask, medical experts and others, it's generally agreed upon that queer men are all overdouching -- and that douching in general is a widely unnecessary and even potentially harmful practice.
Most enemas, hoses, and other cleaning regimens squirt too much water in your butt, water that can dry out your skin and cause other problems. Some say that a finger check is enough -- if it's clean, your good to go. Others say that if you want to clean a little on the inside, you need way less water than you think.
What most people agree upon is that diet is really everything. Lean meats (not red meat), veggies, sweet fruits, and foods that don't cause gas (cabbage, onions, broccoli) will make your hole smell and taste better, and fibrous foods will make your cleaning process quicker.
Using the bathroom is your body's natural way of cleaning out, and it's the best way. Fiber compacts your poo and helps you release everything in your colon when you sit on the toilet. Taking a healthy amount of fiber does the douching job for you -- the natural way (see number 10).
7. Yes, they make rimming lube.
They sure do. It's water-based, since no one wants to slurp up a gob of silicone lube, which does not dry out or break down in water or spit.
If you have your eye on some exotic-flavored lube -- cherry cola or pineapple -- it's fine to use on the ass as long as it's water-based.
Water-based lubes are usually made with synthetic glycerin or are glycerin-free. Synthetic glycerin has a sweeter taste but has been associated with yeast infections in women and may not be totally nontoxic for human consumption, so I recommend going with a glycerin-free, organic, water-based lube.
The flavored water-based lubes by Sliquid are great. I recommend Sliquid for anyone seeking vegan-friendly, natural lubes without harmful chemicals and am continually impressed with this brand.
8. Not everyone craves a cleaned butt before rimming. It’s always OK to ask.
There are many, many guys out there who love the taste and smell of natural, undouched, aromatic ass and would rather bend you over when you're sweaty after the gym and go to town, and simply rinse his mouth out with Listerine after. And if you ever have the pleasure of dating someone who enjoys (and prefers) dirty butts, congrats -- you never have to worry about douching again.
9. Rimming is about more than tongue. Vary it up.
Aggressive rimmers will go straight for the hole and just lick continuously in the same motion over and over, gradually pushing the tongue deeper and deeper in. While this can feel good, it gets boring after a while and can actually start to wear on the hole. Saliva dries out your skin, and the hole is the last place you want to dry out, especially if rimming is foreplay for sex.
Divide your tongue duty between hole and the hypersensitive area around it. Make designs and patterns (stars, zigzags, spirals, concentric rings, horizontal licks, vertical licks, quick dots, long strokes, etc.). Tickle the hole with just the tip of your tongue, then thrust your tongue in as deep as it can go. Alternate between the wider, flat part of your tongue and the narrower, probing tip. Do quick, light licks between deep, strong, drawn-out ones.
I personally don't love that light tongue-flicking thing on my hole, but some guys do. When in doubt, take my boyfriend's advice: Just make out with it like it's a mouth.
10. Daily fiber supplements help!
If you don't consume enough fibrous foods, you can always take a fiber supplement. I take Metamucil every day.
Fiber is incredibly good (and necessary) for healthy digestion -- and having a clean ass is entirely dependent on your digestive health. If you're prone to stomachaches, loose, watery poo, or infrequent bowel movements, or if you have a hard time getting totally clean for sex, you probably aren't consuming enough fiber daily. Most men don't.
11. Your breath is just as important as your tongue. Use it.
Don't underestimate the effect of breath on skin. If you've ever spooned someone in bed, you know how someone's breath can feel on your neck. It can tickle or comfort, arouse or annoy, depending on your sensitivity.
Breath is vital to a good rimjob. Making a small "o" with your lips and blowing on an asshole (as you would a birthday candle) can make your partner moan. This is usually a cooler breath. Alternately, as when you breathe on someone's neck, an openmouthed gush of warm breath will moisten the hole and add a tingling feeling of expectation -- making them ready for your tongue plunge. Pause, draw it out, and dive.
12. Give his taint some love.
If you're rimming a man, don't forget the space around the butt -- including the taint (the space between his anus and testicles). It's an extremely sensitive area and feels amazing licked.
13. Don’t forget other stuff down there.
Ass play is about more than the hole. There's all sorts of hypersensitive anatomy everyone has below the belt. If they're comfortable with you exploring more with your mouth, give them rimming breaks by straying beyond the butt.
14. If you’re game for it, try shaving!
Shaving can keep you from getting butt hair in your teeth when rimming (yes, that really happens). It also can be incredibly hot to do for/with someone. I enjoy all kinds of ass play, so in order to have a clear view and avoid ingrown hairs caused by friction and accidental hair-pulling, I generally recommend shaving a butt if you want to play in it on a regular basis.
The best way to shave your hole and butt is to get someone else to do it for you, of course. Go slow, use a gentle shaving cream or gel, and try not to squirm or giggle too much -- nicks down there are a pain in the ass.
15. Know the health risks.
If you're getting rimmed, you're pretty safe. Sit back and enjoy. If you're an ass eater, your risks are greater for contracting gonorrhea, hepatitis A, harmful amoebas, herpes, syphilis (if there's an open sore), pinkeye, and other little gifts.
Even cleaned and prepped asses can still carry these gifts, and STDs are not exclusive to rimming. Most sexual contact has the potential to transmit unwanted infections. Professionals would recommend the use of dental dams, but I have never used one and never plan to.
Do what you do and accept the responsibility of getting frequent sexually transmitted infection tests. Men who have sex with men should get tested a minimum of every three months for HIV and other STIs.
16. Use teeth sparingly.
Some really good rimmers know how to use teeth (don't suck in when your teeth are pressed on his hole). If he uses teeth and it feels good, consider this a pro move. I've had bad rim jobs where guys used teeth and it felt very unpleasant. Paired with the tongue, teeth can be a nice alternating feeling, a bit of hardness on a hypersensitive, soft, tender area. But by no means bite, nibble, suck, chew, or get aggressive with teeth. Ever.
17. If you’re scruffy, use it.
Some people love feeling stubble on their holes (I do!) -- but some don't. This is a personal preference. Best way to find out if he likes it? Try it and ask. Beard and stubble can tickle and create a pleasant texture on their hole, but it can also scratch and irritate it. It all depends on your partner.
18. Don’t be an endless rimmer.
The better you rim, the longer you can do it -- but there's still a limit.
No matter how good you are, saliva will dry out skin, and rimming will cease to be enjoyable at some point. I and everyone I know enjoys rimming as foreplay, as a warm-up to more sex, more ass play, toys, and so on. Read their body language and learn when to cut yourself off.
19. Don’t bite.
I've had people bite my hole. No thank you.
Some guys like biting a butt cheek, but I think even that is a bit annoying, since most guys go way too hard. Gentle, light nibbles on an ass cheek are fine -- but the hole? Keep teeth away. The anus has very delicate skin that can easily tear. For the same reason that fisting tops should always trim fingernails and toys should only be soft and smooth, you should never, never bite the skin down there.
20. Yes, spelling out words with your tongue is a classic trick — and feels great.
Don't believe me? Try it. This classic trick keeps your tongue moving in different directions instead of making the same repetitive motion.
21. Get loud.
Rimming is one of the few sex acts where you need some verbal or physical reassurance from the receptive person that if feels good. Just a moan -- or a little butt shake -- tells your partner you're having a good time.
I get very loud when I feel good. Groan, let go, and moan into the pillow. That's your partner's invite to keep going.
