Breaking stereotypes and building futures as a Black gay dad

Growing up in Pennsylvania, I experienced firsthand the struggles of being raised by a single mother after losing my father. My mom, a resilient and loving woman, fought hard for the benefits we needed to survive. From Cub Scouts to private school, she ensured I had opportunities even during tough times.

Her dedication instilled a desire to give back and make a difference in the lives of others.

As a Black man, I am acutely aware of the systemic injustices and biases that permeate our society. In the child welfare system, Black children are significantly overrepresented in foster care, facing longer stays and higher aging-out rates than white children. This reality fuels my determination to provide a stable, loving home for my children and to advocate for other Black children in the system.

From a young age, I knew I wanted to adopt someday. Even if I had biological children, I wanted to provide a loving home. As a gay man of color, I later realized having biological children would be challenging, but adoption remained my calling. LGBTQ+ couples are particularly active in adoption, especially from foster care. Despite a growing number of LGBTQ adults who say discrimination based on gender or sexual identity is a significant barrier to providing foster care, same-sex couples are particularly active in the foster care system.

My dream came true in 2019 when I adopted my son, James, from Colombia through an international adoption. Despite being shy and nervous at our first meeting, we bonded over games of Uno. Though he didn't speak English and I knew little Spanish, our connection was undeniable. I knew he was meant to be my son.

Our multicultural family enriches our lives and fosters a deeper appreciation for diversity. It challenges us to create a home where everyone feels they belong.

Being a Black adoptive father also means being a role model and a source of strength for my children. It involves instilling a sense of pride in their identity, teaching them to navigate a world that may not always be kind to them, and empowering them to overcome challenges.

The importance of Black men raising children and being good role models cannot be overstated.

In a society where Black men are often stereotyped and marginalized, positive representation is crucial. As a Black man, I strive to demonstrate the values of resilience, integrity, and love. It helps dismantle harmful stereotypes and creates a legacy of strength and compassion for future generations.

In 2022, I received incredible news. Santiago, another boy from Colombia, had come to the U.S. and needed re-adoption as his initial placement hadn’t worked out. When I showed James his picture, he immediately recognized him. They had been friends in Colombia during the adoption process.

It felt like fate.

Blending a family, especially with teenage boys who have experienced trauma and loss, is not without its challenges. But watching their bond grow has been one of the greatest joys of parenthood.

To anyone considering adoption or fostering, especially older children or those from different cultural backgrounds, I want you to know it will be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. Yes, it can be daunting. There will be obstacles and moments that test you. But the love, the growth, and the unbreakable bond you build are worth everything.

Take that leap of faith. Your family is waiting for you. When children of color grow up surrounded by supportive and caring adults, they unlock their potential and achieve their dreams. The journey may not be easy, but it’s an important and fulfilling one in your life.

It is a journey of growth, learning, and advocacy for one's family and the broader community.

Calvin Dyson is a Kidsave and EMBRACE foster and adoptive parent and has been recognized as the 2024 Fairfax County Foster Parent of the Year by the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments and the Foster Parent Ambassador for Fairfax County.