Childless cat ladies in Greenland, beware: JD Vance is on his way

Ridiculously, Donald Trump has once again set his sights on Greenland, expressing intentions to bring the autonomous Danish territory under U.S. control. During a press conference at Mar-a-Lago in early January, Trump shockingly refused to rule out the use of military force to seize Greenland, declaring U.S. control of the island vital to national security.

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Obviously, this aggressive posture has reignited tensions with Denmark and alarmed Greenlandic leaders, who view such ambitions as a direct threat to their sovereignty. I spoke to former U.S. Ambassador to Denmark Rufus Gifford this week about the insidious comments JD Vance made about Denmark not being a good ally. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Compounding all of this, Second Lady Usha Vance, accompanied by National Security Adviser Mike Waltz, planned a visit to Greenland, ostensibly to participate in cultural events such as a dogsled race. However, the visit was met with strong opposition from Greenlandic officials.

Prime Minister Múte B. Egede labeled the visit a "demonstration of power" and criticized it as interference in Greenland's political affairs. In response to the backlash, Usha Vance canceled her participation in the public events, and then, inexplicably, JD Vance announced he would join her on a scaled-back visit limited to the U.S. military base in Pituffik.

Vance's involvement has only served to exacerbate diplomatic tensions. We all know Vance for his inflammatory and wildly psychotic rhetoric, and Greenland is likely to get a front-row seat to witness Vance’s insults and his history of making offensive remarks. Who can forget his criticism of "childless cat ladies"?

Therefore, childless cat ladies in Greenland, beware: JD Vance is coming for you, so good luck with that. Most of us here in the U.S. hope that Vance stays in Greenland, but I guess that’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. His big mouth is not only disrespectful to us, but as you’ve been learning, Greenland, offensive to you too.

So for my friends in Greenland, here’s a taste of what to expect…

In 2021, Vance suggested that adults without children should pay higher taxes and have fewer voting rights, arguing that falling U.S. birth rates constituted a "civilizational crisis." He advocated for policies that would incentivize parenthood, implying that childless individuals contribute less to society.

During the 2024 election campaign, Vance admitted to fabricating stories to gain media attention. He defended spreading false, racist claims about Haitian immigrants, stating that it was acceptable to "create stories" to highlight issues he believed were important.

Additionally, Vance's shifting, back-and-forth political allegiances have raised big, bushy eyebrows. Once a vocal critic of Trump, Vance compared him to Hitler. And a word of caution to Greenland’s prime minister — if you diss Vance, he’s likely to compare you to Hitler too.

Then as we all know, Vance later aligned himself closely with Trump, ultimately becoming his running mate in 2024. In other words, Vance bootlicked his way to the top, and now that he’s there, he’s spreading his mean-spirited statements and nastiness globally so that the whole world can be offended by JD Vance.

At the Munich Security Conference earlier this year, Vance lambasted European policies on hate speech and disinformation, arguing they threatened free speech. Many were left wondering, who died and left JD Vance in charge of free speech?

The world also took umbrage at Vance after his brutish meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the Oval Office last month. Vance’s reprehensible and dismissive comments about Ukraine's requests for aid further highlighted his glaring lack of diplomatic tact. Vance also wondered why Zelneskyy never “thanked” Americans — this coming from a guy who has probably not said thank you in years.

We learned this week from the leaked Signal group chat that exposed Vance's deep disdain for European allies, referring to them as "pathetic freeloaders."

Given this context, sending Vance to Greenland is like sending a dog into a cat colony — of course I’m going to use that metaphor. His penchant for incendiary remarks and disregard for diplomatic norms make him ill-suited to navigate the delicate situation surrounding Greenland. Instead of trying to woo the country, sending Vance only creates more animosity toward the U.S.

Greenlanders, particularly those fitting Vance's "cat lady" stereotype, along with the rest of the country, have every reason to be wary and pissed about his impending visit. As Greenlanders unite to defend their autonomy, forcing Vance on them will only solidify and strengthen their resolve to remain independent.