How queer men can find quiet strength in blustering moments

Take a glance at the news, and you'll likely see a polarizing figure voicing an unyielding opinion, surrounded by others eager to agree or vehemently disagree. The greater the divide, the more entertaining it seems to be.

In this climate, there's an incentive to play into the extremes, creating caricatures of beliefs and identities. With the holiday season upon us and no doubt both sides of the divide represented in loved ones gathering, the chaos can literally enter our homes.

How did we get to this point?

Enter the "Strong Man." Though this archetype is not new, it looms larger today in the United States, embodied most prominently by figures like Donald Trump and his circle of supporters. This archetype thrives on big, simplistic statements, prioritizes physical dominance, and defaults to aggression. It reflects a shadow aspect of the Warrior archetype—a distorted vision of strength that resonates with those who see power only through the lens of control and dominance. It's Darwinian; as the theory goes, people look to authority to be part of the domination.

The Strong Man touts military might, flaunts powerful alliances, glorifies weapons, and mocks diplomacy. Criticism is met with hostility, and scrutiny becomes a threat. Though blustering and bombastic, this idea of strength is hollow—detached from true power—and inherently dangerous.

So how do men, especially queer men, respond to this version of strength when they don't connect with it ideologically?

A growing movement is unfolding in the LGBTQ+ community. It's called Men's Work. At its core, it provides a safe space for men to challenge cultural conditioning and connect with their authentic selves. Men's Work allows participants to explore and redefine what it means to be a man through group practices like journaling, inquiry, physical movement, breathwork, meditation, and self-expression.

For many men, this journey reveals that traditional expectations—always being strong, never needing help, knowing all the answers, suppressing pain and emotion—are not serving them. These ideas often create disconnection from loved ones, prevent the pursuit of meaningful passions out of fear of failure, and sacrifice authenticity to uphold a false image.

Through Men's Work I've led, I've witnessed profound transformations. Men reconnect with their partners, communities, and, most importantly, themselves. They engage with the world with greater ease and confidence, experiencing a happiness that ripples out to everyone around them. What begins as personal growth becomes a catalyst for collective change.

This work is critical now more than ever. As the Strong Man archetype rises, we must meet it by helping men become more conscious or, as we refer to it, the "Conscious Man."

The Conscious Man recognizes power lies in choice, response, and creation. He embodies self-control, allowing space for intentional decisions that uplift his world. Unlike the reactive Strong Man, the Conscious Man observes emotional triggers without succumbing to them. He steps into the archetype of the King in its fullness—wise, steady, and heart-centered.

These skills require practice, which is why Men's Work exists, and I am so proud to be a facilitator. Queer men, in particular, play a vital role in these spaces, offering unique perspectives on masculinity. Many queer men have spent a lifetime questioning and redefining their relationship with masculinity to navigate a world that may not accept them. This hard-earned insight enriches the work and serves as a guide for those just beginning their journey.

As we watch political landscapes shift, Strong Man rhetoric dominates headlines. Maybe even in our daily interactions, it's natural to feel anger, frustration, or sadness. But these feelings can be fuel for purposeful action. True strength begins within.

I invite you to join the movement toward genuine, compassion-based power. Step into the archetype of the heart-centered warrior and fight for the loving, connected world we all crave.

Tim Bish is a Men's Work facilitator and coach. He has facilitated internationally, leads his own circles, and works as a leader and trainer with Embodied Masculine. Bringing over two decades of facilitation experience to his clients, his focus is bringing this work to his queer community. He co-founded The Circle podcast with the intention of making this conversation available to as many men as possible. He is also the co-founder of Helltown Fitness in Provincetown, MA.

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