Phil Donahue, an unsung LGBTQ+ ally, who talked about being gay — and AIDS — when no one else would

In 2007, when I was media relations director for Sears and Kmart, my team and I ran the Kmart-sponsored green room at the Daytime Emmys in Hollywood. I greeted all the celebrities as they came in, and when Phil Donahue entered, I said, “Hi, Phil, I’m John Casey with Kmart,” and without missing a beat he replied, “Of course you are!”

I thought that was just hilarious and still do! I sat down and spoke with him for a few minutes, and one of things I told him was that as a closeted gay man in the 1980s, how much his show meant to me. He said simply and humbly, “I know.”

When he died Sunday at the age of 88, I not only thought about meeting him, but how in almost desperation, I watched his show because he brought on people who spoke about being queer and also guests who spoke about having AIDS when no one else would.

It’s hard to explain to anyone who wasn’t around then how comforting it was to see someone like you — not a television or movie character — who was a real queer person and have those people talk to a culturally influential person like Donahue. The younger generation has no idea how riveting that was to see.

Donahue cut to the chase, and if someone said something stupid, well he wasn’t afraid to let them have it. I remember feeling like a pariah during those dark days of the 1980s. If you were gay, you were automatically assumed to have AIDS, so there was something reassuring about having Phil Donahue on your side.

Call me prophetic, but yesterday, I stumbled on his interview with Rock Hudson’s former lover Marc Christian and his attorney Harold Rhoden in one of Donahue's 1989 shows. I ended up watching it,and started to recall the importance of Donahue. After Hudson died of AIDS complications in October of 1985, Christian sued Hudson’s estate — and won millions of dollars — because Hudson never told him he had HIV, even though Christian never tested positive. Donahue wasn’t buying Christian's side of the story, and though he didn’t come out and say it, I think Donahue thought Christian was an opportunist.

For those who don’t know about this extraordinary groundbreaker, Donahue was a pioneering talk show host who forever changed the landscape of daytime television with The Phil Donahue Show, also known as Donahue, a program that ran from 1967 to 1995. His approach was unique for its time, often inviting audience participation and focusing on controversial or taboo subjects.

Donahue's show stood out because of his willingness to give a voice to marginalized communities, including the LGBTQ+ community, during a time when such discussions were often silenced or ignored - that last part is worth repeating. To put it in layman's terms, Donahue was the precursor to Oprah. There would be no Oprah if there never was a Donahue.

During the 1970s and 1980s, when many public figures and media outlets remained silent or hostile toward LGBTQ+ people and causes, Donahue boldly addressed these issues on his nationally syndicated television show. This was a critical time in the community’s history, as LGBTQ+ individuals were fighting for visibility, legal recognition, and societal acceptance. And it was Donahue who was willing to hear our side.

The emergence of the AIDS crisis in the early 1980s intensified these struggles, and Donahue’s platform became a crucial venue for public dialogue. The media, as a whole, trashed gay men and made us feel like we were all doomed. They never reported anything hopeful. Through his show, Donahue didn’t just inform viewers; he fostered empathy and understanding for a community facing both social discrimination and a deadly epidemic. He was a true ally.

I went back to YouTube today and pulled a couple of his most noteworthy shows out. One of the most notable episodes aired in 1986, when Donahue invited queer parents on to his show to talk about parenthood. The audience of course was horrified, but Donahue gave them the opportunity to talk about how human they were. In 1986, I can tell you that if you said it was OK for two gay men to raise children, you would have been vilified. And personally speaking, something like that was farcical.

And you have to remember this fact: for many viewers, this was the first time they had seen gay individuals speak openly about their identities on mainstream television. The conversations were candid, humanizing the LGBTQ+ community in a way that was rare for its time — and way ahead of its time. When I watched Donahue, he usually referred to us as gay, versus so many in the media who continually called us in a voice that dripped of contempt, homosexuals.

Another critical episode came in 1986 when Donahue did a special called AIDS Face to Face, where he devoted an entire show talking to AIDS patients, shaking their hands and hugging those patients when no one else would. It also showed his compassionate side. The interviews with the patients were heartbreaking, and Donahue didn’t hold back wondering why more was not being done.

Donahue did several shows during the 1980s and 1990s discussing the AIDS crisis, an issue that had largely been misunderstood and stigmatized, until arguably he came along and helped change the conversation around AIDS. He invited experts, activists, and those living with HIV or AIDS to his show, aiming to educate the public on the realities of the disease.

Throughout the run of his show, Donahue tackled LGBTQ+ issues many times, earning him praise from advocates who recognized the importance of his platform. He created a space for open conversations about LGBTQ+ identity, love, relationships, and the fight for equal rights.

Donahue’s work was magnanimous. He not only humanized marginalized communities, he helped humanize me. I didn’t feel so different because I saw queer people who were normal people, like me, on Donahue. Whether or not he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t only changing public opinion and perception, but he also helped make me, and others like me, feel like we weren’t freaks — Jerry Springer did a good job with that!

In May, Donahue was rightly presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Biden, and part of the reason was because of Donahue’s groundbreaking voice in getting our community, and AIDS, recognized and sympathized. On the same day, two other key LGBTQ+ allies were also awarded the prestigious medal. Judy Shepard, the mother of Matthew Shepard, and former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who championed LGBTQ+ rights throughout her career,

I’m so grateful that I got the opportunity to thank Phil and to have met someone who is really an unsung hero for our community. I’ve been thinking so much about him today — well, even last night watching his show — and it made me realize that at a time when I felt desperately alone, I was unwittingly comforted by the fact that I had a friend and ally in Phil Donahue.

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