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These statements not only erase my existence but suggest that my life is somehow less valuable because I don't fit into a traditional family structure, writes John Casey.
Every time I read – and it must now run in the hundreds — JD Vance’s comments about “childless cat ladies” or childless people, my blood boils. The single regret in my life is the fact that I never had kids. I’ve written before how seeing happy parents with children on my social platforms can make me wince.
Then last night, comes along one of the most reviled people I can think about in the political realm, Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who went after Vice President Kamala Harris and the fact that she doesn’t have children of her own. It’s not even true. She has a blended family with step kids. So lie number one for Sanders, and others followed.
In the interest of seeing how this “Christian” described her kids, here’s Sander’s complete moronic statement:
“Not only do my kids serve as a permanent reminder of what's important, they also keep me humble. As I'm talking to her, I'm telling her how proud I am of her, how thankful I am that God chose us to be her parents. How beautiful she is on the inside and out. As my eyes fill with tears, my sweet daughter reaches up, pats my shoulder, and says, 'It's OK, Mommy, one day you can be pretty too.' So, my kids keep me humble. Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn't have anything keeping her humble."
My response to Sanders — besides telling her where she can go — is God bless your children. Imagine having the vicious Sanders as your parent. Her supposed morality is cloaked in hate and exclusion. I hope your kids realize someday that they don’t have to hate too.
And while I’m piling on, your daughter is wrong. You will never be beautiful where it matters: In you’re heart. You want to talk about being humbled? Try living in someone else's shoes who is humbled every time they see happy parents with their children.
Sanders and Vance implying that childlessness somehow makes someone less capable of leadership or moral authority is beyond repugnant. While these comments are hurtful to many, they are especially damaging to the LGBTQ+ community, where countless individuals face systemic barriers to parenthood or choose not to have children for deeply personal reasons. These remarks not only dismiss the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people but also reinforce outdated notions of family and worth.
In my case, unfortunately, the situation never presented itself, regrettably. Now, at 60, I feel like my time to have children has passed, and that hurts, probably more than I could ever describe. And I do know one thing for certain — I would have made a great dad. People have been telling me that my whole adult life when they see me interact with their own kids.
Vance's comment that "childless adults" cannot adequately lead a nation and Sanders' suggestion that parental status determines one's societal value perpetuate a dangerous and narrow view of family. This is particularly painful for LGBTQ+ individuals, who have long fought for the right to have their families recognized and respected.
For decades, same-sex couples were legally barred from marrying or adopting children in many parts of the country. While progress has been made, with marriage equality and adoption rights expanding, many LGBTQ+ want-to-be parents still face significant obstacles in their quest for parenthood. From discriminatory adoption policies to the financial and logistical hurdles of surrogacy, LGBTQ+ people often face an uphill battle when trying to start a family.
That includes IVF. Hard-right Christians are adamantly opposed to IVF, and those who minimally support it, only want it available to married heterosexual couples. And that’s obviously because these extremists don’t want queer people having children. As Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Walz might say, “Mind your own damn business.”
Sanders and Vance’s remarks carry a clear undertone of judgment that fails to consider these real-world struggles. For those of us who want children but are unable to have them, comments that glorify parenthood as the pinnacle of human achievement can feel like a direct attack. They do to me. These statements not only erase my existence but suggest that my life is somehow less valuable because I don't fit into a traditional family structure.
Moreover, these remarks are also dismissive of the fact that many LGBTQ+ people choose not to have children for deeply personal reasons. Some may feel that, given the societal discrimination they face, they are better able to serve their communities by devoting their time and energy to advocacy or activism. I’m not making this up. I have a close friend, who along with his husband, said that they wanted to avoid having a child who might be bullied because they have two same-sex parents. Instead, they support causes like Family Equality.
Look let’s be honest, others may simply not want children, which is a valid and personal choice for anyone. To imply that childless individuals, regardless of the reasons behind their decision, are somehow lesser is to ignore the diverse and rich lives that many people—LGBTQ+ and otherwise—lead without children.
These comments also perpetuate harmful stereotypes about gender roles and family structures. By elevating parenthood as a moral imperative, loathsome figures like Sanders and Vance reinforce the idea that only a particular type of family—hetero, nuclear, and biologically connected—deserves respect. This erases the existence of LGBTQ+ families and non-traditional families of all kinds, who may not conform to these rigid expectations but still contribute meaningfully to society.
Yep, that includes Kamala Harris, aka Momala, and her two stepchildren. The nerve of Sanders and Vance to think that her situation is somehow phony is an inability to appreciate what it means to have children of every shape and size, in your life.
In a world where LGBTQ+ individuals have fought so hard to be recognized and valued, comments like those from Sanders and Vance represent a step backward. Come to think of it, if Trump and Vance win, and Project 2025 is implemented, does that mean Sanders resigns from her office, and stays home with her children which, in their backward view, would be the epitome of humbleness?
Sanders and Vance ignore the struggles and triumphs of those who have chosen or been unable to become parents. They perpetuate a narrow, exclusionary view of what it means to live a meaningful, valuable life - like mine, rich with nieces, nephews, and God kids - they’re treasured consolation prizes which I’m so grateful for.
I’m sure they’d tell me to not have so much contempt for Sanders and Vance. Or, in the words of my wise nephew, who would humble me by saying, “Chill out! I like the fun Uncle John, not the mean one.”
Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists, and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.
