When we're in our 30s, we sometimes wish we had known earlier what we know now. For some of us, recalling our 20s brings memories of late nights out with our friends, freedom, and fewer responsibilities than we have now. But as we have families, careers, partners, bills, student loans, or other grown-up things to deal with, we wish we would have known how to prepare for these situations.
In an effort to help the future 30-year-old queer women of the world, not to mention get closure on our regrets, we asked 10 30-somethings to give their 20-something selves advice they wish they would have received or listened to years ago:
Cori Bryant: Choose your friends wisely.
Having moved around to three major cities in her life, Cori, 34, wishes she would have realized how to find true friends as an adult. It can be difficult realizing who is truly there for you and who is not.
"The first 10 people you meet are not the ones that last," Cori says. "Somewhere in there, your instincts kick in and you meet the friends that will. It's important not to rush it or to treat the ones that don't work out erroneously, because lord knows women talk. Good friends will find you no matter where you live."
Laura Zak: Don't hide who you are from your family.
At 20, Laura was still not certain of her sexuality. Now, at 31, while she does not regret the pace at which she came out, she says she would make sure to be up front about being in a relationship with a woman.
"I wouldn't want to steal the rich experience of self-discovery by telling her that no, not everyone loves Dana Scully the way you do, and yes, you prefer women," says Laura, "I would, however, advise her to let her family know the first time she truly falls in love, rather than presenting her first girlfriend to them as her 'friend.' It will be slightly easier to come out to them if you allow your loved ones to share in your early happiness rather than pretend it doesn't exist."
Jennifer Waldie: Follow your dreams.
Staff Sgt. Jennifer Waldie has spent the last 14 years of her life in the U.S. Army. She entered the military when she was just 21 and served a one-year tour in Afghanistan in 2010. Now, at 35, Jennifer would tell her younger self to be whatever she wants to be.
"I would tell my 20-year-old self to most importantly always be true to yourself and never conform to what other people think you should be," says Jennifer. "I would also let myself know it's OK to follow your dreams, because you need to continuously make yourself happy if you ever want to be happy with someone else. The good news is that it's not too late to follow my dreams, so game on, life!"
Christina Arman: Be more financially responsible.
At 39, Christina has a career and a family to take care of, and she knows the financial strain that comes with it. Like most of us in our 20s, she focused only on herself and not the future she ultimately wanted.
"My 20s were like a lot of people's -- all about me," Christina says. "When it came to money, my thought process was Eh -- it'll be OK. I did what I wanted. Spent what I wanted. Never thinking about the future. So here I am now, trying to catch up. In this case, I wish I knew then what I know now."
Corrie Champine: Be comfortable in your own skin.
In our 20s, we spend a great amount of time concerned with our appearance and how people perceive us. At 34, Corrie wishes she had spent a little less time focusing on how she looked.
"Looking back, I would have told myself to be confident, because you do look good!" she says. "Even though I had a blast in my early 20s, I didn't have the confidence about my own true self that I do now. Add the self-worth I have now at age 34 to my hot little 20-year-old body and you got yourself a fantastic woman!"
Sara Koehler: Don't work too hard.
As a mother, Sara knows how quickly time can pass you by. At 37, she is realizing that there are moments in life she cannot get back. Learning how to handle your career without missing the moments that make life special is one thing she would remind her 20-year-old self about daily.
"At 20 you still have very little sense of mortality and how fast time passes," says Sara. "Overtime and money are attractive, but once you watch a child grow faster than you would like and lose conversations with people you will never see again, you will realize the importance of moments."
Laura Shettleworth: Be more patient.
Often in our youth, we want instant gratification. We don't want to wait for things to play out the way they are supposed to; instead, we make irrational decisions, get frustrated when people around us don't treat us a certain way, or jump to conclusions before we know the whole story. For Laura, now 38, it was no different.
"I would tell my 20-something self that you will be brave enough to come out in the very near future, and some will take it better than others, but be patient because the people that love you will always be there for you," Laura says. "And in about six years you will meet your future wife and will begin a new chapter in your life. Soon you will no longer feel lonely but will be happy and have a family one day."
Allison Moon: Don't wait to do what you love.
In her 20s, Allison had a lot to say but thought her voice would never be heard. Now, at 33, Allison has written four books, including Girl Sex 101, but feels that if she had had the courage to start writing earlier, she would be in a different place in her life.
"I would tell my 20-year-old self to write," Allison says. "Write all the time and don't think it's stupid or pointless. Write different genres, finish stories, and read widely. In my 20s, I was ashamed of my voice and thought I couldn't possibly have anything worthwhile to say, so I sat on my hands for 10 years when I should have been writing. Now, at 33, I have four books under my belt, but I'd be miles ahead if I had started younger."
Tam Rockett: Never push your friends and family away for a relationship.
Finding a way to keep your relationship intact while maintaining a close bond with your friends and family can be a challenge. For 32-year-old Tam, this is something she wishes she would have known when she was dating in her 20s.
"Never under any circumstances push your family and friends aside for work or a relationship," Tam says. "Your family and your best friends will understand, but it doesn't make it any easier when you see all the things you missed. Work changes and so do relationships. It will be harder to see them and spend time, but make time. Always make time for those you care about and those who care about you. You're not supposed to live to work or live for a relationship. You need to live, period. Which means making time. Even if it's minor, take that time, never let it go, and make memories with those who are important to you."
Evey Brett: Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
In your 20s, giving in to peer pressure can feel like the right thing to do, but 36-year-old Evey would tell her 20-something self to put herself first for a change.
"I would tell my 20-year-old self to not be afraid to stand up for yourself," she says. "It's OK to say no and put your needs first. Take your chances and run with them, even if it means taking desperate measures to get to a gig or moving out of state twice. And when a horse wanders into your life and decides you are the human for her, run with her too."
